Believe it or not, where you are is because of you. Think about this: where were you five years ago? Where are you today? Did you think you would be where you are today five years ago? Where do you want to be five years from now?
Now, think about the journey you took from five years ago until today. Are you happy with your choices? If you could go back would you change anything?
Wherever you are today, you are there because of you.
My Journey
I didn’t think I would be where I am today because the journey I’ve taken in my life. I feel that life took me through so many ups and downs and I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel.
For years I didn’t know what I wanted to do careers wise. My first blog post is about picking careers (Career Paths) and how one can even decide with how many choices there are. But I am where I am today because it’s right where I’m supposed to be. But this isn’t my final destination.
And you are right where you’re supposed to be, but this isn’t your final destination neither. However, your choices with the options you had at the time led you to where you are today.
You Are Where You’re Supposed to Be
All of our choices and decisions have consequences, whether good or bad, so everything that happens to us is because of our choices, believe it or not. Life experiences are lessons and they shape us into who we are but we are where we are because of the choices we made.
Those choices and consequences led you here today. But like I said before, it’s not your final destination. So where do you want to go?
Are you where you’d like to be? If not, what can you change today that will help get you to where you’d like to be?
Where Do You Want to Go
Think about where you are and where you want to be. Make the changes you need to make today to get to where you want to go. Even if where you want to be takes five years – the time is going to pass anyways, might as well put in the work. So then five years from now you can look back and not regret where you are, instead you say, I’m right where I want to be!
With Love, Heidy
Are you interested in a little bit of a personal development newsletter? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”
The worst thing you can do for your marriage is compare it to other people’s marriages!
People are different, personalities are different, you don’t know what their spouse likes or doesn’t like. You don’t know their dynamics. You don’t know how long it took them to get where they are or the struggles they’ve been through.
What works for them will not work for you. You are not married to their spouse you are married to your spouse. Talk to your spouse about what they want, like, or desire, talk to your spouse, and see how you can be a better spouse. But be willing to listen. I mean, really listen. Not listen to respond but listen to receive, to understand, to comprehend where they are coming from.
Talk to God and ask Him to reveal how you can be a better spouse for your significant other. Pray for your spouse.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 NIV
Watch how God transforms your spouse, you, and your marriage as you seek Him in your marriage.
Marriage is between two people. Not two people and their friends, and friends of friends, and their family, and their long lost cousin, NO! Marriage is between you and your spouse.
If you need advice, seek advice but be intentional on who you ask for advice. Seek it from a couple who you look up to, who you can tell they have a strong connection and have it together because not everyone wants to give advice, some just want to be nosey.
Also, seek it from someone you know has your best interest at heart. A couple who you know will be genuine and honest. But don’t compare your marriage to theirs because, again, those are two different individuals to you and your spouse.
“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end, you will be counted among the wise.” Proverbs 19:20 NIV
My best advice is to seek guidance from God. Only He knows both of you from inside out, only He knows each of your hearts, and He can guide you on how to overcome challenges together, instead of against each other.
You are a team and God is your coach.
Your marriage will not flourish if you keep comparing it to Maria and Jose’s marriage or Sally and John’s, because those are different marriages, different people, and different situations. Even your parents marriage, don’t compare it!
Keep your focus on God and your spouse and see what works for you guys. If something isn’t working out then change it and try something else, but find what works for you and your spouse.
I was meeting my girlfriends for dinner on a random Friday night.
We were waiting to be seated when through the crowd, our eyes met.
I instantly got that fire deep inside – same one I got the first time we met five years ago.
I couldn’t believe my eyes, but there you were walking towards me, looking exactly the same since the last time I’d seen you.
I told my girls excuse me, and I automatically started walking towards you without giving it a second thought.
You gave me a hug and told me it is such a pleasure to see me. And there I was speechless.
Why, after all these years, you still had that effect on me?
I felt the butterflies again and flushed in the face as you gave me that look. That same look, you always did many moons ago.
You noticed the ring on my left hand and said you knew someone wouldn’t be stupid enough to let me go.
You told me you’ve been busy traveling for work to settle down and was here on a business trip.
As we exchanged words, the world stood still.
You gave me a kiss on the cheek before turning to walk away, I felt the spark.
And smelled the very familiar scent that was once my favorite.
You whispered – I would steal a kiss, but those lips are now forbidden.
You always see on movies or series that there is that one that got away. And when the ex-lovers are reunited, the fire is still there and like time hasn’t passed. Always something there, especially if the break-up wasn’t a bad one. Which is why it’s hard to believe that exes can remain friends. What do you think? Can ex-lovers still remain friends and be “just friends?” Let me know your thoughts.
I started following Jay Shetty on Instagram after I saw his interview on Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith. Jay Shetty is a motivational speaker, and his goal is making wisdom go viral. He’s a former monk and spreads positivity like wildfire, my type of people honestly. LOL
I recently came across his post on IG with Khloe Kardashian, I know I’ve probably lost some readers by now, but keep reading this is insightful, and he was asking to drop a “yes” in the comments if you listened to the podcast episode with her. And I just thought to myself, “what!? Khloe did an interview with Jay Shetty, how could I’ve missed this?” Yes, I am a Kardashian fan, but I do not follow them like I used to when I was younger. And out of the clan, Khole has always been the one I found is the most real and most relatable.
As I was listening to the podcast on my way to pick up Lia from school, I was hearted with how similar our mindset is and how much Khloe and I have in common. She spoke so much truth, and she truly is a kind soul. She tries to spread kindness and positivity, and again, those are my kind of people.
At the beginning of the episode, she talks about how we are all made up of energy and how it affects other people, she mentioned if people were just 5% kinder by doing simple things. For example, smile when opening the door to someone or saying “Hi” to a stranger, it could provide good karma back to you throughout the day.
Jay brought up an example of how he realized that when he would order an Uber, he wouldn’t say hi to the drivers until one driver didn’t start driving until Jay responded back to him. The driver must have asked him, “Hey, how are you?” about three times before Jay realized he was speaking to him because he was so busy on his phone. Khloe then reminds us that we are all humans, and we did operate before phones took over, so we should be human to one another.
The first thing that surprised me that Khloe and I have in common is that we both journal. She said she finds it very therapeutic, and I feel that it really helped me incredibly, especially this year when I took on so many projects at once. I like to write down my prayers, especially in the morning, because I like to wake up with a heart of gratitude. Journaling also helps get my thoughts together, plans, goals, and it’s helpful to look back and see my progress throughout the year.
Jay said he suggests writing all the time for people and to read back what they wrote down. Both him and Khloe agreed that writing, reading, and reflecting back is a form of therapy, and I couldn’t agree more.
The next topic was social media, and Khloe mentioned how she would go to someone’s page and compliment their freckles and things like that and how she would never go to someone’s page to talk bad about them. She tries to always encourage and uplift on social media, and I try to do the same. I like to spread positivity, encourage, and also support others on social media I would NEVER talk bad about someone on social media or use that platform for negativity because I don’t want that negativity in my life.
Even off social media, I try to be positive and encourage those around me. One coworker recently told me that she liked that I was so optimistic, and that meant SO much to me. I really want to be known and remembered as someone who was/is positive because it affects those around me. And not only do I try to be positive but also empathetic. You have to be able to put yourself in other people’s shoes and understand their viewpoints. And Khloe mentions this in the episode about being understanding.
The next thing that we both have in common is that we both pray. Khloe mentions that she takes time in the morning to pray, and she believes in God. Jay stated he feels that prayer is very important, and it’s a form of meditation. “Everyone should have faith in something, it centers us, holds us accountable for our actions every day.” -Khloe. I couldn’t agree more with her because faith, to me, is very important, and it’s a massive part of who I am.
She mentions that starting the day with gratitude can transit throughout the day, and she likes to set her mood for the day in the morning because you attract negative or positive things, it’s like a snowball effect. This is also why I like to write my prayers in the morning. Yes, I pray at night too, but I write my prayers in the morning, and it really does set the mood for the rest of the day.
Although she has to wake up earlier to pray, she said she doesn’t mind it because she said: “you make time for the things you want to do.” And this is so true if it is important for you or something you WANT to do, you WILL make time for it.
The next topic was her relationship with Tristen, and as we all mostly know about how he publicly cheated on her a few days before she was due to give birth to their baby True, and she mentions how she doesn’t hold any hate or anger towards him,. She doesn’t feel like she’s a victim. She says it’s so easy to play the victim, but everyone goes through things, and she isn’t the first or last person this has happened to. People make mistakes, and she understands that, but she won’t let her relationship with him affect his relationship with his daughter because he’s never hurt True, and although they didn’t work out, he is still her father.
I related to her completely on this because I was also betrayed by Lia’s father, but I cannot let that come in between their relationship because if he wants to be there for her, then I cannot stand in the way. Whatever happened between us shouldn’t affect our child; although we aren’t together anymore, each of us has an important role in Lia’s life. In the end, if I wouldn’t allow Lia to see her father because of how he treated me, it would hurt Lia because she deserves and needs a relationship with her father.
Khloe says we shouldn’t be irresponsible with our feelings, and we shouldn’t channel our hurt to other people, and this, to me, speaks volumes. There is a famous saying, “hurt people hurt people,” but if we can all deal with our hurt and heal from it, then we won’t hurt others. “You can’t always blame someone else for why you are the way you are, you have to be accountable too” -Khloe. We shouldn’t let emotional shame others or put a deadline on other people’s pain, but we should all work to try to heal from our pain. She also mentions that you can recover from the hurt and still talk about as long as you’re working through it.
I feel like everyone should listen to this episode, whether you are a fan of the Kardashians or not. There is a lot of truth spoken in this episode, and I love what Jay Shetty is doing with his platform and Khloe too. I try to spread positivity online and offline. Let’s challenge ourselves to try to be 5% kinder this new year! Blessings.
Do you think that social media impacts your relationship? Why or why not?
I recently asked my Instagram followers, and two answered, a female and one male. The male said that it impacts his relationship negatively, every time. The female said it no longer impacts her relationship, but in the beginning, it did, probably because of her own insecurities. And I can definitely relate to her.
You see, in my last relationship, how it was portrayed on social media was important to me. One, because it was a long-distance relationship, and two, because well honestly, I was insecure. I wanted to make certain everyone knew we were together and flourishing, but I was the only one trying to make sure of that.
Social media had a negative impact on my last relationship, so negative that I would spend hours looking through his Instagram page to always find inappropriate comments on other females pages. And don’t get me started on Facebook.
I also wanted him to post pictures of me, you know, on special occasions, like my birthday, our anniversary, things like that, but it was like I would almost have to beg him to do it, which was annoying. Never would do it on his own, but now looking back, I understood why, and I understand that social media is a big deal in a relationship only if you let it be.
My relationship now, he doesn’t post me, and I don’t care, why, because I feel much more secure than I ever did. I don’t need to show off to the world how happy we are or that we are flourishing because this relationship is between him and me and not the rest of the world. I’m also older now, and I realized whether I post or not we are still going to have issues in our relationship because no relationship is perfect, but why add extra drama with social media?
Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing couples posts and seeing people show appreciation to their significant others, but we don’t know what is really going on behind those pictures. People only show what they want you to see.
As we get older, we realized some things used to mean so much to us when we were younger that truly doesn’t matter anymore. It’s part of growing, and we all learn from our mistakes. Try not to take this social media thing too serious, enjoy every day as it comes.
Has social media had an impact on your relationship? Let me know your thoughts.
