Mom Guilt Is a Lie

Picture of a family, two kids, mom and dad, and a text describing what mom guilt is.

Moms, do you experience this, you’re getting your hair done, or your nails done, or you’re working on your business and some variation of these thoughts start coming to mind:

Do I spend enough time with my child/children? Do my kids think I’m a bad Mom? Should I be out without my kids? I shouldn’t have gone out with my friends. Are they missing me right now? Should I be feeding them this? Am I too strict? Am I not strict enough? Am I allowing too much screen time?

So if you are a good mom, you have experienced, at some point, some version of “Mom Guilt.”

What is Mom Guilt

There is no real medical or clinical definition for it. But it usually occurs when the feeling of guilt, anxiousness, doubt, or even the uncertainty that you are failing or falling short as a mother or the other version that you are a selfish mother for doing something for yourself.

This feeling of guilt can happen at any time, and it comes from unrealistic expectations from society, social media, family, and friends on what a mom should do, how a mom should act, or even what a mom should look like.

Mom guilt varies for different moms; if you’re a working mom, a new mom, or even a single mom, you can experience different variations of mom guilt, and it affects each one of us differently.

I mean think about it, how many times have you wanted to go get your hair done and decided not to because you feel your child might need you or that you can use that money for something your child needs. Maybe you want to simply get your nails done and have put that off too, or merely want 5 minutes alone, and if you do get five minutes, you don’t even know what to do because your life revolves around your kids.

Mom guilt is a lie but here are some truths to help you combat the feeling of guilt.

Motherhood Is Hard

Being a mother is the hardest most rewarding job there is because once you become a mom, there is no “off” button. Not when you’re sick, not when you’re working, not when you’re on vacation. And not even after they move out of the house.

You are always constantly thinking of their well-being and want to be there for them when they are in need. But there is no “guide” in how to parent or how to be a mom; there are only suggestions.

And each child is different, so you cannot even parent the same for each one. 

Social Media Is the Worst

When it comes to mom guilt, social media is the devil. The comparison starts. You see, other moms being so creative with their children or always doing different activities with their kids, and you begin to think, I wish I were that creative, or I wish I could do that with my children. 

You don’t post those picture-perfect family moments or pictures that you always see online, and this really takes a toll on you as a mother but STOP IT! Stop comparing yourself with other mothers because, honestly, we are all struggling, just no one posts that on social media.

I’ve come to accept the type of mom I am, so when I see pictures online of different types of moms, I just think to myself, Good for them, I’m just not that mom. And that doesn’t make me a “bad mom” – I’m a different mom because my personality is different and my kids are different.

Moms Are Too Hard on Ourselves

You are an individual, and your kids should know who you are outside of “Mom.” You should be more than just a mom, and your life should be more than just your kids. Don’t lose yourself in being a mom, remember who you were before you were a mother.

Remember, just because someone parents differently than you doesn’t mean they are doing it the wrong way, maybe it’s something that works for them. Every child is different, so their needs are different, and the approach for each one should be different. Not everything works for every child.

You might like: 3 Ways to Not Lose Your Identity in Motherhood

Healthy Mom Healthy Family

Taking time for yourself is OKAY! As a matter of fact, it’s a requirement to be a good mom! You need time for yourself, you need to be able to relax and clear your mind for your sanity. If you’re in the state of frustration all the time, you’re going to take it out on your kids. Take some time to be alone; your family will thank you later.

Find a hobby. Do something you love. Take a break from social media. Catch up with a friend. Write. Read. Sing. Dance. Whatever it is that will make you be you again.

And lastly,

You are ROCKING it! You’re doing a fantastic job, and no one but YOU can be the best mom to your kids; that is why God chose YOU as their mother!

With Love, Heidy

Are you interested in a little bit of a personal development newsletter? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”


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The Struggle as a Bilingual Parent

As a child of immigrants, I learned another language before learning English. In fact, I remember starting Kindergarten in the United States without knowing any English. But now, as a young adult, my first language is English.

 We hear time and time again how important it is to know both languages, Spanish and English, and how helpful it will be in the future. We also hear how important it is for our children to know both languages. But let me tell you, this is hard.

 According to, the number of bilingual children in the United States continues to rise. In 2016, 22% of children in the US, or about 12 million children, spoke another language besides English at home. This rate has risen by about 2% or 1.2 million additional kids in the last decade. So it’s easy to see how knowing both languages will be an asset for the future. also mentions that speaking two or more languages increases the child’s ability to concentrate, focus, and solve problems. At the same time, it’s also associated with better mental flexibility, more reliable connections to place and family, increased cultural competence, and access to higher-paying jobs.  

 When my daughter was younger, it was easier for me to only speak Spanish to her. I was living with my parents; everyone spoke in Spanish, and also I was showing her the basics, for example, water, milk, cup, numbers, colors, etc. Now that she goes to school and has learned English, when it comes to explaining something in detail, like why certain things happen, it’s easier for me to explain in English because that is the language I feel more confident speaking. I can defend and express myself easier in English because that is my dominant language now.

 My daughter would spend afternoons after school at my grandma’s house, and she would only speak Spanish there, but now that we are both at home, we only speak English. And I’ve tried to only speak Spanish to her, but I automatically switch to English and end up speaking Spanglish to her.

Before I had my daughter, I would be puzzled when I would meet people of Hispanic-decent who couldn’t speak Spanish. Like, “what do you mean you don’t speak Spanish?” They mostly said they could understand it but not speak it, and now I get it. I feel like I’m going down the same road with my daughter.

 It was easy for our parents to only speak to us in Spanish because that was their dominant language, but for us, growing up in the United States, going to school here, and learning, writing, listening to English music, etc. English becomes your first language.

 I don’t want my daughter to lose her Spanish, and she gets frustrated when she is trying to speak to her grandparents in Spanish and can’t think of the words to express herself. The same thing happens to me when I’m speaking Spanish, I tend to stop a lot and try to think of words, or I know the name but don’t know how to pronounce them in Spanish.  

It is easy to lose our heritage, language, and traditions with generations to come, especially since we aren’t in our own country. But it is up to us to keep it going.

 Any other bilingual parents struggling with this? Let me know in the comments. 

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