Tag: Encouragement

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The Words We Choose Matter – Let’s Choose Positive Words

colorful sticky notes with positive words
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Do You Have Positive Words in Your Vocabulary?

We all know the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” or something along those lines, but the truth is, words do hurt. We have to be VERY selective with our words. The words we use are more of a reflection of our character than what they are of the person who we are talking to or about.

Words are powerful, and what we say can and usually does come true. If we speak negatively, we are going to attract negative things, but if we speak positively, than we will attract positive things. So, why not use more positive words? Not just to attract positive things but be favorable to ourselves and others.

How Do You Speak to Your Children?

Think about children and how we speak to them, if we tell a child they are stupid, they are going to believe they are stupid, but if we tell them they are smart, they will believe it. We should be speaking life into our children, into ourselves, and onto others as well.

Sometimes we speak out of anger and say things we don’t mean. However, being able to pause, take a few deep breaths, count to 10, and just think about what we are about to say before we say something we’ll regret later, will be beneficial in the long run.

We don’t want to say things because of our emotions at the time, we want to say things we actually believe, which again, why we should be selective with our words.

You might like: The Importance of Saying Encouraging Words to Your Children

What Does the Bible Say About Positive Words?

The Bible mentions the power of words and how we should watch how we talk, in Proverbs 18:21 (NIV), “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Death and life are in the power of the tongue…..WOW! That is powerful, you have the power to give life to someone or death, solely with your words. Think about that for a moment.

Everyone is going through different challenges, and we don’t know if the words we speak to them will help them or make them feel worse. If it’s encouraging words, then yes, this will help them, but if we start talking negatively to them, then this will make them believe that the negative thoughts they have are right.

Another verse in the Bible that talks about the words we use are Ephesians 4:29 (NIV), “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

In other words, LET’S BUILD EACH OTHER UP! Be positive! Encourage each other! Empower each other and help each other. Simple words like, “You got this!” “You can do this!” “You are capable!” “I believe in you!” Those are simple words that can mean the world to someone and could be the little push they need to get over whatever issue they may be going through.

Verbal Abuse Is Real

Did you know that verbal abuse is real? Psychology Today talks about recognizing verbal abuse and how to stop it; it starts with us, with ourselves. In the article, they reference the book Teen Torment: Overcoming Verbal Abuse at Home and School, and the author Patricia Evans, says, “words can be as damaging to the mind as physical blows are to the body, the scars from verbal assaults can last for years,” Let’s not scar others for life with our words.

I grew up always hearing things, “you don’t do anything right,” or “is there anything you can do?” or “you never use your head to think.” And hearing these comments repeatedly for years broke down my self-esteem. I felt worthless at one point and truly felt like I couldn’t do anything right. It made me feel like a disappointment, but I promised myself to break that cycle. It took years to be able to work on my self-esteem and feel confident in myself. Nevertheless, I was able to overcome it.

Positive Words Only

I want to challenge you. If you are a person who usually thinks negatively or speaks negatively, I challenge you for a week to try to catch yourself when you’re thinking or saying something negative and see if you can change that into something positive. Write down what your thoughts were and how you turned it into something positive and look back at your notes after a week. Then answer yourself this, how did you feel? Did you see a pattern? Where do you think these negative thoughts are coming from?

Let me know how it goes for you, either in the comments or private message. Let’s work together in changing our word selections and being more positive

With Love, Heidy

Is a personal development newsletter an interest of yours? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”

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Motherhood

Mom Guilt Is a Lie

Picture of a family, two kids, mom and dad, and a text describing what mom guilt is.

Moms, do you experience this, you’re getting your hair done, or your nails done, or you’re working on your business and some variation of these thoughts start coming to mind:

Do I spend enough time with my child/children? Do my kids think I’m a bad Mom? Should I be out without my kids? I shouldn’t have gone out with my friends. Are they missing me right now? Should I be feeding them this? Am I too strict? Am I not strict enough? Am I allowing too much screen time?

So if you are a good mom, you have experienced, at some point, some version of “Mom Guilt.”

What is Mom Guilt

There is no real medical or clinical definition for it. But it usually occurs when the feeling of guilt, anxiousness, doubt, or even the uncertainty that you are failing or falling short as a mother or the other version that you are a selfish mother for doing something for yourself.

This feeling of guilt can happen at any time, and it comes from unrealistic expectations from society, social media, family, and friends on what a mom should do, how a mom should act, or even what a mom should look like.

Mom guilt varies for different moms; if you’re a working mom, a new mom, or even a single mom, you can experience different variations of mom guilt, and it affects each one of us differently.

I mean think about it, how many times have you wanted to go get your hair done and decided not to because you feel your child might need you or that you can use that money for something your child needs. Maybe you want to simply get your nails done and have put that off too, or merely want 5 minutes alone, and if you do get five minutes, you don’t even know what to do because your life revolves around your kids.

Mom guilt is a lie but here are some truths to help you combat the feeling of guilt.

Motherhood Is Hard

Being a mother is the hardest most rewarding job there is because once you become a mom, there is no “off” button. Not when you’re sick, not when you’re working, not when you’re on vacation. And not even after they move out of the house.

You are always constantly thinking of their well-being and want to be there for them when they are in need. But there is no “guide” in how to parent or how to be a mom; there are only suggestions.

And each child is different, so you cannot even parent the same for each one. 

Social Media Is the Worst

When it comes to mom guilt, social media is the devil. The comparison starts. You see, other moms being so creative with their children or always doing different activities with their kids, and you begin to think, I wish I were that creative, or I wish I could do that with my children. 

You don’t post those picture-perfect family moments or pictures that you always see online, and this really takes a toll on you as a mother but STOP IT! Stop comparing yourself with other mothers because, honestly, we are all struggling, just no one posts that on social media.

I’ve come to accept the type of mom I am, so when I see pictures online of different types of moms, I just think to myself, Good for them, I’m just not that mom. And that doesn’t make me a “bad mom” – I’m a different mom because my personality is different and my kids are different.

Moms Are Too Hard on Ourselves

You are an individual, and your kids should know who you are outside of “Mom.” You should be more than just a mom, and your life should be more than just your kids. Don’t lose yourself in being a mom, remember who you were before you were a mother.

Remember, just because someone parents differently than you doesn’t mean they are doing it the wrong way, maybe it’s something that works for them. Every child is different, so their needs are different, and the approach for each one should be different. Not everything works for every child.

You might like: 3 Ways to Not Lose Your Identity in Motherhood

Healthy Mom Healthy Family

Taking time for yourself is OKAY! As a matter of fact, it’s a requirement to be a good mom! You need time for yourself, you need to be able to relax and clear your mind for your sanity. If you’re in the state of frustration all the time, you’re going to take it out on your kids. Take some time to be alone; your family will thank you later.

Find a hobby. Do something you love. Take a break from social media. Catch up with a friend. Write. Read. Sing. Dance. Whatever it is that will make you be you again.

And lastly,

You are ROCKING it! You’re doing a fantastic job, and no one but YOU can be the best mom to your kids; that is why God chose YOU as their mother!

With Love, Heidy

Are you interested in a little bit of a personal development newsletter? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”

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Categories
Motherhood

The Importance of Saying Encouraging Words to Your Children

Children are like sponges; they absorb their environment. If their environment is negative, they will be negative and vice versa. Children mimic what they see and especially what they hear. I read online, I cannot remember where right this moment, for parents to listen to their children when they play pretend, so parents can know how their children feel. Because children absorb so much, it is important to tell them encouraging words.

By telling your kids encouraging words, you will build up their confidence, and by building up their confidence, you will raise confident adults. You know the saying, “if you think you can, you’re right, and if you think you can’t, you’re also right?” The same applies to kids. As a parent, if you are telling your children that they cannot do something or consistently telling them negative words, they will never have the confidence to do anything and not think of themselves as worthy. And the consequence of the negative words is that it affects their self-esteem.

For example, I didn’t grow up hearing too many encouraging words. I heard that I could never do anything right, or I wasn’t using my head to think. As a result of hearing that, I got to the point that I didn’t think I was worthy. It was like, what’s the point of me trying to do anything if I can never do anything right? So, my self-esteem was nowhere to be found, and I needed validation from others consistently. I also copied and wanted to be like my peers to try and find worth in myself.

These emotions usually lead to people putting themselves into dangerous situations trying to fit in. Luckily for me, that wasn’t my case. I mean, I wasn’t the most innocent teenager, but I didn’t put myself in harm’s way. But because of the negative words I heard all the time growing up, I do the opposite with my daughter.

I try to always tell my daughter positive words. For example, I tell her she’s beautiful, smart, and can do anything. And I remind her that I love her. As a result, she will randomly tell me I’m beautiful and that she loves me. Why? Because she’s mimicking what I say to her. I want to build her confidence because it starts at home. I want to make sure she is confident in herself to do anything she sets her mind to. I also want her to be sure of herself so she doesn’t have to find validation in others.

We should say things like this to our children:

“You are smart”

“You can do anything”

“You are beautiful”

“I love you”

“You are strong”

“Be kind”

“It’s okay to make mistakes”

“If you couldn’t do it this time, try again”

“Don’t give up”

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:14 NIV, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” This is a great verse to share with your kids as it serves as a reminder that God made them perfectly.

What are some other positive affirmations you can share with your kids?

With Love,

Heidy

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Letter to My 17-Year-Old Self

Dear Heidy,

You’re in your last year of high school, and you cannot wait until you graduate. You’re ready to leave the school that you believe is full of so much unnecessary drama, but there is drama everywhere, and you think you’re prepared to leave your house. You feel you’re ready to take on the world because you feel trapped and ready to be on your own. You have a job right now, save up as much as you can because once you get to college, you will struggle a lot. You’re going to be hungry, a lot, you don’t like cooking and eating out gets expensive quickly. All the shoes you buy aren’t going to matter because you end up moving so much that all those shoeboxes become a hassle, and you end up throwing them out anyway, save money!

I know you’re disappointed you didn’t get into Western Michigan University, and you wish that you could go back to freshman year and care about your grades, but its senior year, and you cannot undo time. GRCC isn’t that bad of a school, but right now, you refuse to go there because your heart is so set on going to Kalamazoo, but first try to figure out what you want to study, don’t make decisions based on other people’s lives.

Your self-esteem isn’t at its best, and I know it feels like nothing you do is correct, and you have no purpose, but believe me, once you establish a relationship with Jesus, you will find your purpose. Stop comparing yourself to your friends and stop trying to be someone you’re not. People will love you for who YOU ARE, not who you’re trying to be. Be authentic always; there is nothing better than someone who is their true self, although I know that at this time, you’re trying to figure out who you are. I’ll be honest, it takes you a little bit to figure yourself out, but you do eventually. 😊

Enjoy every second of playing sports, enjoy the practices, and enjoy the games, both the losing and the winning, although it was mostly losing, LOL, but have fun! Try to enjoy the days you have left in high school because after this comes the real world and the real world is hard and filled with mostly struggling.

Be thankful that your father is the way he is with you. He cares about you A LOT and loves you A LOT, and although right now it’s hard to communicate with each other, please know it does get better, and you grow closer. 😊 He is just doing the best he can how he thinks is best. You’ll understand later, but be grateful.

You will go through some tough years, and it’s going to feel like there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. It will also seem like it all came onto you at once, one thing after another, but find Jesus soon. He helps you through these challenging times and remember you are NOT alone. Don’t let those evil thoughts overpower your light. You are worthy, and you are here for a reason!

Those trails and challenges you will go through will help shape the woman become, and she is beautiful, resilient, loving, caring, understanding, and compassionate. You will find your voice, become more confident in yourself, I promise, and learn to love yourself, although you don’t right now. Continue to have self-respect and remember you are in control of yourself, not others. People will hurt you, but you will learn forgiveness, and your heart will go on. Remember, God is with you ALWAYS!

With Love, Heidy

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Me when I was 17 years young!

I asked a few women to give advice to their 17-year-old self and here are their responses.

God defines you, not the world. Learn to seek His Will for your purpose & have the courage to step out in faith… also workplace is just like school, some people don’t grow up, and will spread gossip just the same. – Age 33

You are good enough no matter how others make you feel. – age 26

Guys suck; save all your money, traveling is so much fun, make it work, and also start college as soon as you finish high school and do it fast. – Age 33

The biggest thing I could say would be, “you’re going be ok, God is always in control” – Age 25

Honestly, though, my teenage self was very naïve about the world and thus I feel like she didn’t really need that much advice. She was pretty confident about herself and very optimistic as a person. It wasn’t until I got to college that I started facing some insecurities about the real world such as being the only person of color in a room full of white people or not feeling smart enough or adequate in the professional world. When I was a teenager, everything seemed so easy. Sports were life, friends were so easy to keep up with, and my home life was great. Looking back I think I would tell myself to cherish every single minute as much as I can. And to hold onto those friendships even post-teenage years (something I didn’t do). I think I would tell myself to not forget how good it feels to be a part of a team. And to always, always, always remember how happy those moments made me feel. – Age 29

Don’t get hooked on anybody, enjoy as much as you can, don’t take high school so serious, time flies so fast, and learn to say no, don’t sell yourself short. Enjoy yourself! Don’t take any guy relationship seriously. – Age 27

Don’t be scared to take risks and save more, invest more, take the trip, and be vulnerable it’s OK! – Age Unknown

Be patient! You have so much life left! – Age Unknown

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What would you say to your teenage self? Let me know in the comments or let’s connect!

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