Betrayal Archives

Lies I Tell Myself

Lies I tell myself

I blame myself that we didn’t have the happy ending of the movies.

I tell myself I’m not that pretty and that is why you stepped out to find prettier.

It’s my fault, I didn’t cook enough, didn’t pay enough attention.

I should have laughed more.

I should have been freakier.

I should have argued less and demanded less.

I should have loved more.

I should have dressed better.

Maybe if I would have spend less.

Maybe be at home more – not too many girls night.

I should have had more interests in your interests.

Maybe If I would have listened more and catered more you wouldn’t have stepped out to be with them.

The truths I should tell myself

I am enough.

I am beautiful.

I am worthy.

It wasn’t my fault.

I don’t need to change myself to prevent it.

I did my best.

I gave my all.

I don’t need to compare.

I can do better.

I will do better.

I deserve better.

Although my heart is in pieces, my soul is crushed and my ego is torn, I will dust myself off and get up again. I will no longer, give the power to someone else to destroy me.

I write about betrayal often because it’s something I’m very familiar with and pain runs deep inside. But that wasn’t my whole story, just part of it. I overcame the hurt and pain. I stood victorious on the other side of the door; after years of being in the dark, I found happiness. I found peace and joy. And I write to tell you that if you also have been in a similar situation (which unfortunately is so common), you too can overcome it. I only ask that you don’t let the bitterness that comes with this pain rotten your heart.

It’s easy to stay mad and to pity in your pain and hurt. Easy to stay drowning in the betrayal because it’s overbearing, but don’t stay in that place. You are worthy of so much more. As long as you have a pulse, you are worthy! I am here to say that God has so much more for your life. This is just a phase; it’s, unfortunately, a chapter in your book but not the whole book. Start writing chapter one of a new book! Burn the old one; I know you can. If I can do it, you can do it. You are loved, you are worthy, and you are powerful. Remind yourself every single day!

With Love,

Heidy

Twitter.com/HeidyReynoso13

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Pain of Betrayal

One of the biggest pain is the pain of betrayal. I hope you never experience that pain. I hope you never have to lose the trust of the one you love. The one you least expected to hurt you. I hope you never have to experience the confirmation of the unfaithfulness. The vomit in your mouth – the turn of your stomach, the punch in your throat – the anger and fire through your vain – the tears flowing like a river and the sharp stab right through your chest – feels like your heart has been ripped out of your body and stomped into a million pieces. I hope you never have to see him on his knees begging for forgiveness and all you want to do is spit on him.

I hope you never have to debate whether to leave or stay. I hope you never have to question whether you’re worth it because you’re always worth it. I hope you never have to think you’re not worthy of love, of happiness, of faithfulness. I hope you never have to go back in your mind and replay the trauma like a broken record. I hope you never experience the triggers – then you’re back to being hurt all over again – the wounds reopened. Bleeding again like the very first time.

I hope you never have to walk around with doubt in your mind. Thinking this was all your fault. I hope you never have to go on social media and see comments, wondering if she was one of them too. I hope you never have to compare yourself to them. Thinking – what do they have that you don’t have. I hope you never have to fight for his attention. And I hope you never have to pretend that you’re happy when you’re slowly dying inside. I hope you never experience this type of betrayal. I hope you never experience this type of pain. No one deserves this.

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