I’ll be honest; I didn’t know what to expect from Beyond Ethnic Loneliness. Prasanta Verma and I were connected through a Facebook group. She posted that her book would be published in April 2024 and was looking for opportunities to help promote it. Since I host a podcast about immigration, I felt she would be a great guest for the show, and I love interviewing authors.
Prasanta was born in India but grew up in Alabama and now resides in the Midwest. The book starts with a common scenario for immigrants and children of immigrants: someone telling them to go back to where they came from. From the details written, you can feel you are there, exactly where it happened.
Although Prasanta is from India and I am Dominican-American, things in her book were familiar to me. In the introduction, she shares that she writes to honor her parents’ experience and other immigrants’ experiences. This is a similar reason why I started my podcast – to highlight immigrant stories and experiences.
Her Parents’ Experience
I loved that Prasanta included a brief summary of when her parents immigrated to the United States. She mentions that her mom learned English by watching I Love Lucy. One was that it was one of my mom’s favorite shows when I was growing up, and two, it is so common for immigrants to learn English through movies, TV shows, and music.
Colorism
In chapter three, Prasnata writes about colorism and how skin-lightening creams are a worldwide phenomenon. This reminded me of a few things. One hearing negative comments growing up from family members and family friends about dark-skinned people. Two, how my husband’s aunt had told him when he was younger to “marry a light-skinned woman so he could fix the race.” And third, how there are a few famous Dominicans who have used those skin-lightening creams.
Our Names Matter
How many times have you been asked to pronounce your name or how to spell it? Does it happen often? For me, it’s usually Hispanics who are asking me if I use the English or Spanish pronunciation of my name. And I get asked if my name is spelled with an I, but it’s actually with a Y. Prasanata highlights the challenges with foreign names that immigrants and first generations go through in the United States.
She mentions that names are part of our cultural identity and shares how Latin American cultures use both the mother’s and the father’s last names. My mind instantly went to when I was naming my daughter, and her father didn’t want me to put both our last names. I told him that’s the tradition in the Dominican Republic, but he told me that four names aren’t used in the United States, so there was no need. I still added both last names because it was a tradition I wanted to keep.
When it comes to my podcast, I am careful with my guests’ names. I try my best to pronounce and spell it correctly. And felt horrible when I received an email from a guest informing me that her name was misspelled because it’s something that I’m cautious about. I know how important names are, so I truly felt I missed the mark.
The Label “Christian”
About two years ago, I posted on Facebook about how I struggle sometimes to call myself a “Christian.” And there were a few reasons why, but mainly, I didn’t want to be associated with hypocrisy and the actions of people who called themselves Christian. Similarly, Prasanta writes, “At the same time, I admit, I wanted to distance myself from the label of “Christian” as I became more and more embarrassed by the behavior and attitudes publicly displayed by some Christians. I didn’t want to be associated with bigotry and hatred-which became the overarching narrative about Christians and their actions.”
I remember talking about this with a good friend, and she said, “Well, think about it this way: you are Dominican. And some people are also Dominicans but are bad people, but that doesn’t mean all Dominicans are bad. You’re not going to stop calling yourself Dominican because some Dominicans are bad, are you? Plus, you can show them with your actions that not all Christians are the same.” And that’s true. I’m not like those other Christians. However, I still prefer to call myself a believer over a Christian. The actions matter more than the label.
Trauma and Healing
In the chapter Trauma and Healing, Prasanta lists ways to establish healthy boundaries for ethnic loneliness. One of them is limiting social media, which I am currently doing. I’m not doing it for ethnic loneliness but for other reasons. I have been on a fast from Instagram and Facebook for six weeks. And I’ve been debating if I want to return to Instagram.
Belonging
I love that she included a chapter on how we can help others feel like they belong. She also lists different ways organizations and churches can help. The one that stood out to me was cuisine exploration because I love trying foods from different cultures!
I used to attend a very diverse church, and when reading this, I thought how cool it would be if they had an event where different families from different cultures share a traditional meal from their home country! I’m sure that would bring people from the community together.
Conclusion
Beyond Ethnic Loneliness shares facts about loneliness, ethnicity, India, culture, language, and other topics. I learned a lot while reading and also felt like I connected with the story too. I highly recommend this book. You can pre-order now, and the book releases on April 16th!
With Love, Heidy
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