August 2021

Book Review: the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

A few months ago, my friend told me that she was going to read a marriage book since she and her significant other were going through a rough patch. To be supportive, I asked her what book to read it with her, and then we could talk about it, kind of like a book club, but it was just us two, LOL. “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” the book was by John M. Gottman, Ph.D., and Nan Silver.

I had never heard of this book before, but apparently, this one was revised and updated from the original one published in 2001. Dr. Gottman used results from his studies of couples over the years (he called it the Seattle Love Lab) in which he had them apply the principles to their marriages, and he shares results and examples in the book. The book also has exercises and quizzes for you and your partner to see where you stand within your own marriage.

I enjoyed this book because it talks about all issues that couples must address, like money, religion, work, family, and yes, even sex! I recommend this book to all married couples, whether newlyweds or not, because it can help strengthen the marriage if both parties are willing to put in the work. Although my husband and I were not going through a rough patch when I read this book, I still found it helpful because I’m a firm believer in constantly working on your marriage, even during the good times.

These are the principles for making marriage work!

Principle 1: Enhance Your Love Maps

Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

Principle 3: Turn Towards Each Other Instead of Away

Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You

Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems

Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock

Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning

Have you read any marriage books you could recommend? Please let me know in the comments.

With Love,

Heidy

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Pregnancy After a Loss

It has been a while since I’ve last posted on my blog, and I decided to give an update on my life. Actually, the last three posts were guest posts, and the last time I wrote was in May, and it was about the miscarriage I experienced in November of 2020.

Well, I am currently pregnant with my rainbow baby! 😀 I am super excited, but the first trimester was really rough, and I was sick all the time, which is why I had to cut back on a lot of things that I was doing, including blogging. Because I was so sick, I was also miserable. I couldn’t cook or do anything. On top of being physically miserable, I was also emotionally unstable. I feared losing the baby, and everything worried me. I felt depressed again with no motivation to do anything. So this brought guilt. The guilt of not being able to cook for myself nor my family. The guilt of not being able to take care of my family and the guilt of feeling miserable after I prayed so much for this baby.

I am beyond blessed to have the husband I have because he held everything down while I was struggling so much, and not once did he make me feel even more guilt than I already was feeling. He only kept reminding me that this is all temporary. My first pregnancy was a breeze compared to this one. I didn’t have any symptoms and only vomited once. With this pregnancy, I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve vomited, and I even ended up in the ER with how bad I vomited one night. I felt extremely tired and couldn’t get up from the bathroom floor, but luckily everything was okay. It was hard to make plans during this time because I didn’t know how I would feel that day.

Currently, I’m in my second trimester, and the morning sickness has subsided. I only feel sick occasionally. I would be lying if I said that I don’t sometimes worry about losing this baby. Being pregnant after a loss is terrifying and worrisome. Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy the journey just thinking about the worst-case scenarios. But I pray every day that I’ll be able to carry my baby to full term and that I can have a safe delivery to a healthy baby. I trust in God one hundred percent.

I know that miscarriage and pregnancy after a loss isn’t talked about often, but I feel like it should be. It does happen more often than we think, unfortunately. Although I know that it is not an easy topic to talk about, but who can relate more than someone who has gone through the same experience as you? I am available to speak to anyone who may have questions or needs a listening ear.