How to Recognize Friendship Abuse

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Whenever we hear about abuse, we think of romantic relationships. But, there is friendship abuse, and from asking my followers on Instagram, many have experienced it or was the abuser themselves.

So, what exactly is friendship abuse, and why isn’t it talked about it often? While there is no exact definition of friendship abuse, there are signs that could fall under friendship abuse. I believe it’s not talked about often because we all have friends, whether it’s a lot or a few, and we usually wouldn’t think that those friends would hurt us, be mean purposely, or intentionally betray us. But it happens more often than we think.

I wrote a blog last year about friendship’s value, and I mentioned having an unconditional friendship and a connection with that friend. Do you have any conditional friendships? Let’s take a look at some signs of friendship abuse.

First Sign – Constantly Lying

Do you have a friend or had a friend that spread rumors and lies about you? Maybe they try manipulating others to believe what they are saying about you. What about a friend that has no problem with lying to your face, and when you confront them about it, they lie again to cover up the other lie? Another might be that they lie to others and try to put you in the middle of it and expect you always to play along?

None of that is fair to you, and you cannot have a friendship like this because friendships are built on trust, just like any other relationship. A friendship is a type of relationship, and it needs to be nourished in order to grow. But that’s not going to happen with all these lies. Also, having rumors spread about you by someone you consider a friend hurts, and I know first-hand how that feels.

Second Sign – Controlling

Do you have a friend that makes you feel lesser than they? Maybe they are always saying specific comments to make you feel some type of way, or it seems like they are always in competition with you. These actions are common in people who are controlling.

They might try to control what you do, what you wear, and sometimes even who you hang out with. They will tell you who you can and cannot hang out with or act differently when you are going to hang out with other people. It could be the opposite; they act differently towards you when other people are around—trying to bully you in front of people.

A true friend wouldn’t mind you hanging out with other friends, or they would try to meet them and get to know them. Also, they wouldn’t try to make you feel any less. A true friend would encourage you and support you.

Third Sign – No Respect /No Boundaries

This friend doesn’t keep their promises, they hurt your feelings and make it seem like it’s your fault, or they break boundaries as soon as it is a benefit for them.

They don’t respect your time by constantly changing plans last minute without consulting you, or they cancel. Sometimes they will “forget” that they had plans with you, or they might purposely not include you at all. 

Does the friendship feel one-sided? It seems like they need you for EVERYTHING, and you always help them, but when you need a favor, they are not available. This is also a lack of respect. You are still making sure that they are okay, but they are never making sure you are alright? This can be very draining because friendships should be like a two-way street. You scratch my back, and I got yours.

Know When and How to Walk Away

In an article on, Dr. Walfish feels that it’s best to leave quietly and not confront your abuse. Although it is said to have open communication or honesty is the best policy, in this case, she says, they will most likely blame you.

Let others know about the situation, other friends, or family members, and let them know that you will no longer associate yourself with this person. Just like it’s not easy to leave an abusive relationship, it’s not going to be easy to leave an abusive friendship.

In the same article, Dr. Gail Saltz says that one may need therapy after leaving because this relationship may have caused damage to your feelings, self-worth, and therapy will help to not fall into another abuse friendship.


One might think that this happens to only kids or in high school, as in the movie Mean Girls, but this can very well occur in adulthood. I know I’ve had my own experiences with friendship abuse, and it hurt. Because you love this person, and you trust them, but then they go and abuse you.

 God calls us to be in community, but we need to be careful of those enemies dressed up as “friends.”

1 Peter 3:8 (NIV) – Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 

With Love,


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Blog Spiritual

Be Intentional With Your Time

We are the generation of multitasking, especially women. We’ve always had to juggle much and wear different hats. And last year, 2020, don’t even get me started, that was a game-changer. But for the new year, I don’t want to be a multitasker; I want to focus on one thing at a time and do it well. You see, when you multitask, your attention is divided, so you’re not focused, and little things can slip up. This is why, for the new year, I want to be intentional with my time.

Recently I’ve realized that no matter what I’m doing, I like to do only that. For example, if I’m watching TV, I’ll focus only on watching TV and not be on my phone or reading something. Or if I’m working or writing, I like to focus just on the task at hand because I want to do the best job possible; I cannot do that if I’m also focused on doing something else. Also, anything that I’m doing, I’m intentional with it, meaning there is a purpose behind it. Even things I like to do “for fun” are usually educational, like reading; I love reading about history, memoirs, literature, etc. And watching TV, I’m usually watching a documentary, or a documentary series, even podcasts; I love podcasts, but there is usually something that I get out of them while I’m listening to them. Simply put, I don’t like to waste time, LOL.

For the new year, one thing I want to be intentional with is my time with Jesus.

Lamentations 3 verse 25 through 28 says, “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him, (NIV). I listen to the Bible in the morning, either while I’m getting ready for work or working, but I want to change that. I want to spend dedicated alone time with the word of God. I want to understand what I’m listening to and be able to hear God speak to me.

I submitted a devotional for a prayer journal, and the devotional was chosen to be in it. The journal is available for purchase on Amazon. It is a 52-week prayer journal, which I’m going to use starting this new year as part of my plan to be intentional with my time with Jesus. I also won a planner on an Instagram giveaway. It has a daily affirmation, prayer gratitude, prayer requests, scripture readings, and a devotional/reflection section, which I’m also going to use to be intentional with my time with Jesus.

My point is that I have a plan set to be intentional with my time in the spiritual aspect of my life. This is one of my goals for 2021! Is there a place in your life you are looking to be intentional? Do you have a plan or a goal you’d like to achieve? I’d love to hear about it and maybe even help. Let me know!

With Love,


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