3 Ways to Not Lose Your Identity in Motherhood

I recently went to a Latina small business owners networking event, and one of the other attendees was talking about motherhood, and she said something that really intrigued me. She said (this is me paraphrasing), “when a new baby is born, a mother is born, which is a new version of yourself. You don’t know how to be a mother, you have to learn as you go, but you were also a person before you were a mother; you still have an identity.” It reminded me of this blog post I had on my list to write, three ways not to lose your identity in motherhood.

It seems like once you become a mom, that’s all society wants you to be, a mother. But we are much more than just a mom. Yes, it’s a demanding, tiring, most rewarding job, but it’s not the only thing we are. Think back to who you were before you became a mom. What did you like? What did you do? What brought you a sense of self? Do you still do those things? Why or why not?

Yes, there are certain things you probably won’t continue to do once you become a mom. For example, if you were an everyday party animal before, that cannot continue. But that’s not what I’m talking about; I’m talking about what was your identity before you got the title “mom?” So, today I want to bring three ways not to lose your identity in motherhood.


What are your hobbies? What do you like to do outside of spending time with your children? Do you like to read? Do you like to write? Do you like to go for walks? Do you like to swim? Write down a list of things you like to do and schedule a time to do them.

I love reading and writing, hence why I’m writing this blog post, but I have to make time to do this with being a mom of two. Currently, my husband is with my son, and my daughter is next door playing with her friend, so I am able to write this blog post. When it comes to the reading part, I include my kids sometimes. I’ll read to them what I’m currently reading if it’s age-appropriate, of course, or sometimes it’s poetry that I read to them, but it’s something I enjoy.

Self-Care / Take a break

Being a mom is exhausting! And if we do not take a break, we will burn out, which can cause harm to ourselves. TAKE.A.BREAK! Make a list of things you like to do to feel relaxed or take care of yourselves. For example, massages, getting your nails done, taking a nap, going to the beach, or meditation. Whatever it is for you, make sure to schedule it throughout the week.

What self-care looks like for me is reading the bible, journaling, getting my nails done, and getting a massage every once in a while. Yes, I have mom guilt at times, thinking that getting my nails done is taking too long, or maybe I should be doing something with the kids. But then I remember, how can I take care of my family if I’m not taking care of myself? I cannot pour from an empty cup. I’m always putting my family first; sometimes, putting myself first is okay. And you should too.

Maintain Friendships

I wrote an article for Medium about why adult friendships are so hard, and as mothers, we know that once you have kids, certain friendships fade. However, true friendships will last because those friends understand that you no longer have the same freedom you once had.

Although adult friendships are hard, I still believe it’s important to maintain friendships and not lose our identities in motherhood. Why? Because we need adult conversations from time to time. We need connections with other adults and a good laugh every once in a while.

When was the last time you had a lunch date with a friend? If you cannot remember, text a girlfriend and set up a time to meet. If you cannot do a lunch date, maybe a dinner date, or even invite them over to your house for a little bit for some coffee or tea. Whatever it is, make an effort to meet up with at least one friend because you deserve it.

*Bonus* Don’t Neglect Your Marriage

Many people say kids come first, but I don’t believe that is true when you are married. Before you go clutching your pearls, hear me out. Yes, my children are a high priority to me, and my husband and I take excellent care of our kids, but my marriage comes first, and here’s why.

Once my kids leave the house, my husband is who will stay with me, and if during all these years, I’ve lost my identity and I wasn’t putting my marriage first, I’m not going to know who I am anymore, and I’m not going to have a marriage because I haven’t been putting effort towards the marriage, I’ve just been kids, kids, kids. Do you see what I’m saying? Yes, you aren’t just a wife, but your partner should help you to not lose your identity, and if you have, they should help you get it back. Don’t neglect your marriage.

Alright, all you wonderful mommies – you have some homework to do! Make sure to make a list of your hobbies and do them, make a list of things that you find relaxing and do them, schedule a friendship date, and work on your marriage.

With Love, Heidy

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3 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Do When Juggling Life (Guest Post)

Hey! Today I am bringing you another guest post. It’s been a while since I’ve had a guest writer on my blog, so it was overdue. Today I am bringing you my blogger friend Michelle, all the way from South Africa!

While she wears many hats like mom, blogger, YouTuber, career woman and wife – she is just a millennial mom trying figure out this thing called life, as she likes to say.

As she guest wrote for my blog – I also wrote for her blog and you can check out my post here.

Enjoy her post!

3 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Do When Juggling Life

Hi there! Michelle from Growing With Spawn here. If you know me, you probably know me as Shelly – the blogger, YouTuber, corporate woman, wife, and mother who has her life together. However, today, I’m Michelle – the overwhelmed, messy girl who fed her daughter yogurt and bread for dinner. I’ve shared my tips on juggling it all before, but what I never shared was what happens on days like these—the days when I can’t be bothered to take off my pajamas or wash my face. And yes, those days happen frequently. So instead of presenting a perfect picture, I thought I’d share some things you shouldn’t do if you’re trying to juggle … well, life!

Don’t Take Rest Lightly

We all have those moments when we feel like we can conquer the world. For me, that’s usually two hours after my bedtime, after scrolling mindlessly on social media. I’m not sure what is so enticing about the darkroom and tiny screen, but it’s a habit I can’t seem to kick for the life of me. So, every single night without fail, I find myself covered in my duvet, nose poking out and phone in hand.

If you can relate to this, I’m sure you know what’s coming the next-the morning after, the ‘hangover’ feeling!

We sometimes just scrape through the day on caffeine, energy drinks, and way too much sugar. And while this may be okay every now and then, it surely isn’t sustainable. Especially if you are consistently juggling many responsibilities, so as hard as it is, rest is something that we really need to treat with respect – almost like a full-time job.

Hmmm, I see you lowering your coffee mug! 

Don’t Allow Yourself to Get Burnt Out

So here’s the thing, I don’t quite have a set routine for anything, which means I always barely get things done. You will find me writing blog posts at 2 am or taking my morning shower at noon. Heck, if I were allowed to, I would probably work on weekends and use my weekdays for – well, nothing really!

But the thing about juggling life is that you need to be strategic about what you do. If you know you have bursts of energy in the morning, get the most work done then. If you know, you have a full-time job but still want to write blog posts, set aside the time for it. And if you have other responsibilities, make sure you allocate the time accordingly.

As the huge hypocrite that I am today (i.e., Michelle, not Shelly), I feel extremely qualified to give this piece of advice. Failure to actually plan things then rushing them last minute can leave you feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. Yes, working well under pressure is really a thing, but it can’t be the thing you do every time. 

So please don’t be like me!

You Probably Shouldn’t Skip Your Self Care

People who say that self-care is very easy have no real clue what self-care really is. Yes, I said it – you’re doing it all wrong! Self-care is not just painting your nails or taking a long bath. It’s much more than that, really.

Let me break it down for you.

If you aren’t journaling or finding some way to address your emotions as they come along, then you’re not caring for yourself. If you aren’t feeling great emotionally but would rather have drinks with your friends than see a therapist, you’re not taking care of yourself. And if you are spending way too much time in denial, running through the motions of life, then you are not taking care of yourself!

So, what does this have to do with juggling life?

Simple – if you plan on conquering the world, you definitely need to make sure that the ball between your shoulders and hair is actually doing okay. Take it from me; the gym isn’t just about abs, and sleep isn’t only for babies.

Photo by KoolShooters on


What I love about writing brutally honest blog posts is that I feel like I have to come up with some action plan that will be realistic to both you and me. I could easily advise you to set aside 3 hours a day to focus on the things you love, and I’m sure you would find a way to do it. But what most people often forget to tell you is that it’s okay not to be perfect. It’s absolutely okay to feel overwhelmed every now and then, so always keep this important rule written on the back of your eyelids:

Don’t be too hard on yourself – juggling life isn’t meant to be easy!

Thank you so much Michelle for being so raw and honest with us. We all have our days when we are struggling with life. I know I do.

You can connect with Michelle at



Growing With Spawn

And if you are interested in guest writing for my blog please contact me! I would LOVE to work with you.

With Love,


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