Mommy Issues

Sitting here drinking my third glass of wine – while thinking maybe I am more like my mother.

Drinking away my sorrows, pain and regrets.

Instead of facing my demons head-on.

I’ve always stride myself to not be like her.

But they say, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” right?

It’s like you were my example of what not to be.

I understand your mental issues NOW – but now it’s too late, you’re gone.

As a child you don’t understand. You don’t comprehend why your mother drinks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

By the time the moon is out she can barely walk.

She’s yelling and breaking things – cutting herself and slurring her words.

What? What are you saying? You don’t make sense?

So, what do you do?

You start to cry and hope that tomorrow is a better day – but it’s a repeat of yesterday and the day before.

Many have daddy issues. I have mommy issues.

The bible tells us to honor our father and mother.

But how do you honor the person who’s supposed to make you feel safe but instead causes so much pain and anxiety?

It’s conflicting!

No matter what – I love you.

You did the best you could drowning your demons in alcohol. Although, they swam up to the surface at night.

It was too much too bare for little me, for the both of us.

Which is why I swore to never be like you.

I told myself I would never drink.

Alcohol steals the joy.

It steals the good memories.

It robs you of feeling safe and secure – it makes you scared and unsure.

Alcohol is the enemy – it turned you into a monster.

But here I am drowning in that monster.

Am I more like you and less like me?

Many have daddy issues. I have mommy issues.

P.S. Happy what would have been your 47th birthday. I love you.

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