Yesterday was my and my husbandās second wedding anniversary and my birthday. So, in celebration of our wedding anniversary, I want to share a little of our story.
I cannot pinpoint exactly when we met; I feel like I just always knew of him. He worked at the same company as my uncle and aunt, he knew a few other of my family members, and we had mutual friends.
At the beginning of 2017, I found a prayer on Pinterest for āMy Future Husbandā I downloaded it to my phone and read/prayed it every day. Although at this time I wasn’t looking for a relationship, nor did I think I would get married anytime soon, I prayed everyday. Nonetheless, during the summer of 2017, our āfriend anniversaryā came up on Facebook. I sent him the alert via messenger. He responded, stating that he couldnāt believe itās been a year already because he felt like he barely knew me, and he gave me his number because he said he didnāt like talking through Facebook messenger.
From there, we started texting on the regular, and in November, I invited him to a Jay-Z concert, which became our first official date. After the concert, we went to grab a bite. In December, I asked him to spend Christmas eve with our family (Christmas Eve or Noche Buena is when we really celebrate Christmas), and you can say from that point on, we were officially dating. However, he never officially asked me to be his girlfriend. LOL, I joke about it with him all the time.
Around October of 2018, I asked him to move in with me; he lived in a city an hour away and would only see each other on the weekends. It got to the point where he would stay the night on the weekends, and I didnāt want him to leave anymore. At the end of the month, he was all moved in, and we started our lives together. š
This was the first time he lived with someone he was dating, so I knew this was serious, and within a few months of him moving in, we started talking about marriage. So, in those talks we had about getting married, I told him that we should do it in 2021 because that gave us time to plan and save up. Unfortunately, in September of 2019, we got the bad news that his mom was diagnosed with cancer.
Shortly after, I thought, what if we do a small intimate wedding, just our families, so his mom could be in attendance? I brought up the idea to him, and he told me that his mom had actually told him that she wanted to see him get married. So, it was set, we would get married and soon. For some reason, I wanted to get married on my birthday, which is in February, so five months away from when we decided to start planning a wedding.
I started looking up wedding venues to see which ones were available on February 13, 2020. We were planning a small wedding for only our immediate family members, so we estimated about 25 to 30 people. Of the three venues, we saw we decided to go with the last one, and they were actually running a special for the following year (2020); we were allowed up to 100 guests with the package they offered. This opened our guest list, and our wedding became more significant than we initially anticipated.
Since the venue took care of many things, like the decorations (all we had to do was pick our wedding colors), tables, chairs, staff, etc., that helped tremendously with planning everything in less than five months!
Well, to shorten this story, we ended up marrying on February 13, 2020 ā my 27th birthday and it was the perfect day! I never imagined myself having a wedding like that, but thanks God, we could have a beautiful wedding. I am forever grateful that I found that husband prayer on Pinterest! š
To my hubby ā baby I love you SO much! Thank you for being my answered prayer! <3
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have a fabulous Valentineās Day and that you find your partner in life! š
Picture thisā¦. youāve been dating someone for a few months, or maybe a few years. And everything seems to be going perfectly. There have been barely any arguments, only a few disagreements. It looks like this person is the person that finally gets you. They understand you when you express yourself. You can be your complete self with them, and they donāt judge you. It seems like youāre in heaven. You know everything about this person, and they know everything about you, so itās a no-brainer to say yes when they pop the big question, āwill you marry meā but do you know everything about them?
Itās impossible to know EVERYTHING about a person but before you walk down the aisle to marry this person and start a life together, have you guys discussed the important topics before knowing for sure that this person is the one?
I am no marriage expert by any means, but my husband and I did attend premarital counseling before we got married. We read āPreparing for Marriage: Discover Godās Plan for a Lifetime of Loveā by David Boehm, Brent Nelson, Jeff Schulte, and Lloyd Shadrach while doing counseling and all the topics in the book we had already discussed throughout our dating life. I highly recommend doing premarital counseling before getting married because when people marry, they donāt usually marry to get divorced after a few years. Still, too many couples do end up divorced.
Here are three topics that should be discussed before getting married.
For example, personal history, like where did they grow up, went to school, etc.? Family history, are they close to their family, were both parents around and just one, etc.? Family history plays a significant role in peopleās personalities, so this is important. Sexual history, your significant other should be open about this with you; if they arenāt, that may be a red flag, but that is a whole different topic.
Talk about previous relationships, how did they end and why did they end? This is important because wounds and trauma of earlier relationships affect present or future relationships even when people think they are āover it.ā Do they still communicate with their exes? If so, why, how often? Sometimes relationships donāt end on bad terms, and some exes may stay as friends but discuss with your partner how comfortable you are with this. Also, were they previously married, are there kids from that marriage, why did they divorce? Youād be surprised at how many people donāt really think this is a big deal to discuss. Ask questions!
Weāve heard the statistics before that the main reason why couples divorce is because of finances. And if you are at the point of being engaged, Iām going to assume you both have had some discussion about finances, like who earns more money. If not, definitely need to have this talk, and also, does it matter to the other person who earns more.
Men are usually labeled as the āproviderā of the family, so it is common or the ānormā for them to earn more, but that isnāt always the case. Have this discussion early and make sure no egos are hurt if the woman earns more money. At the end of the day, finances should be āours,ā not his and hers, although every household is different.
How will the finances look in your household? Will there be one joint account, maybe his and her accounts? Some couples have one together and then each of their own. Many couples do finances differently, which is okay; you donāt have to do what your other married friends do. Come up with a plan that works for you both, that you both agree.
Other questions to ask: Who will pay the bills? All of the bills or just some? Who spends more? Can you guys stick to a budget? Please talk about the debt’s you guys have, since after marriage, it becomes debt for both. What is your partner’s credit score? Are you willing to help them if they have bad credit? It’s essential to get these questions out the way first and set a plan for the future, so this doesn’t become an issue in the long run.
Expectations
This may seem like a no-brainer, but expectations should be discussed because you two are two individuals coming together as one, and you both think differently and might have different expectations for this marriage. Itās better to get them out now before the wedding than during a heated argument.
The book has a great worksheet that you can do with your finance about your expectations for every area of your life. The worksheet about expectations starts by stating, āExpectations are so basic that we often donāt even recognize them, yet they influence our behavior every day ā how we treat people, how we react to different situations.ā Speaking about expectations to your significant other is vital prior to getting married.
Let me give you some examples of areas and questions discussed:
Marriage and Relationship: How will decisions be made and how will disagreements get resolved?
Home: where will you guys live and what type of home does this look like?
Social/Entertainment and Home Environment: how often will people be invited to the home, and how often will date night be? How will the television be watched, and are there any guidelines about what is watched? Who has hobbies? What are they? Will they be done together, or will this be something always done individually?
I have an excellent example on this one; my hobbies are reading and writing, and before I post any blogs, my husband reads them over to make sure I didnāt miss any grammar errors or need to change anything. Before I write, I discuss the topics with him and sometimes get his insight on things too. When Iām reading a book, Iāll discuss anything I find interesting with him, or he sometimes asks me questions about the book. He takes an interest in what my hobbies are. One of his hobbies is to watch boxing, Iām not a big fan, but Iāll ask him questions, or Iāll watch a boxing match with him; I also put an effort to be a part of his hobbies.
One of the hobbies we have in common is that we like the same sports team, so we enjoy attending those games together and watching them together.
Hubby & I at a Yankee’s spring training game March 2020
Ok, now more questions and examples from the book:
Household Responsibilities: Who will cook, clean, laundry? This is a big one because we are no longer in the 1950s when women did not work.
Parenting/Children: How many children, if any? When do start having children? How will you discipline your children?
These are a few examples of the expectations that should be discussed before getting married; the book does an excellent job at going more in-depth on more topics, which sometimes you donāt think you need to discuss until the time comes. Still, itās better to discuss before so you know where each of you stands when it does come.
As my husband and I were going through the book, and we were answering the questions, some of them I knew how he would respond because we had talked about it before, but it gave me such peace of mind that I was making the right decision with marrying this man. Even though I knew he was the one, heās the man I prayed forā¦.more about this on a later post, LOL. But I want the same reassurance for you. I want you to feel secure that when any challenge comes your way, which they will, that you guys will face them together, not against each other.
Marriage isn’t the same as being in a relationship, it’s much more profound, and it’s a more significant commitment. You are making a promise to share your life with this person as long as you both shall live. That is not something to be taken lightly.
A book all couples should read is āThe Five Love Language, By Gary Coleman.ā Yes, you can take the quiz online to know each otherās love language, but I suggest you guys read it together. This way, you get an idea of how to fill up each otherās love tanks and keep them full. š
