Children Archives

The Importance of Saying Encouraging Words to Your Children

Children are like sponges; they absorb their environment. If their environment is negative, they will be negative and vice versa. Children mimic what they see and especially what they hear. I read online, I cannot remember where right this moment, for parents to listen to their children when they play pretend, so parents can know how their children feel. Because children absorb so much, it is important to tell them encouraging words.

By telling your kids encouraging words, you will build up their confidence, and by building up their confidence, you will raise confident adults. You know the saying, “if you think you can, you’re right, and if you think you can’t, you’re also right?” The same applies to kids. As a parent, if you are telling your children that they cannot do something or consistently telling them negative words, they will never have the confidence to do anything and not think of themselves as worthy. And the consequence of the negative words is that it affects their self-esteem.

For example, I didn’t grow up hearing too many encouraging words. I heard that I could never do anything right, or I wasn’t using my head to think. As a result of hearing that, I got to the point that I didn’t think I was worthy. It was like, what’s the point of me trying to do anything if I can never do anything right? So, my self-esteem was nowhere to be found, and I needed validation from others consistently. I also copied and wanted to be like my peers to try and find worth in myself.

These emotions usually lead to people putting themselves into dangerous situations trying to fit in. Luckily for me, that wasn’t my case. I mean, I wasn’t the most innocent teenager, but I didn’t put myself in harm’s way. But because of the negative words I heard all the time growing up, I do the opposite with my daughter.

I try to always tell my daughter positive words. For example, I tell her she’s beautiful, smart, and can do anything. And I remind her that I love her. As a result, she will randomly tell me I’m beautiful and that she loves me. Why? Because she’s mimicking what I say to her. I want to build her confidence because it starts at home. I want to make sure she is confident in herself to do anything she sets her mind to. I also want her to be sure of herself so she doesn’t have to find validation in others.

We should say things like this to our children:

“You are smart”

“You can do anything”

“You are beautiful”

“I love you”

“You are strong”

“Be kind”

“It’s okay to make mistakes”

“If you couldn’t do it this time, try again”

“Don’t give up”

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:14 NIV, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” This is a great verse to share with your kids as it serves as a reminder that God made them perfectly.

What are some other positive affirmations you can share with your kids?

With Love,

Heidy

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Apologizing to Our Children

Apologizing to anyone is hard. No one likes to do it because no one likes to admit when they are wrong, but we have to do it, we have to take accountabilities for our actions. I remember my stepmom telling me once, “If you don’t like apologizing, stop doing things you’ll have to apologize for.”

We get taught at an early age to apologize, and we teach our children early to apologize too, but do you remember your parents apologizing to you? Yours probably did, but I don’t remember mine doing it. Imagine how different your relationship might have been if they had owned up to their mistakes, took accountability, and apologized for their behavior. Wow! That’s deep.

This is why we have to normalize apologizing to our children. I’ve done it before and will continue to do it because I’m human, and I know I’m not going to get this parenting thing right, but I’m trying my best.

I remember being exhausted, work was stressful, I had homework, and my daughter was in a season of not listening. I had to repeat simple requests multiple times, and this particular day my energy was low, and I was very irritated. I had asked her to take a bath and get ready for bed, she did not listen the first time, and I just snapped. I yelled at her in a way I’m not proud of, but I knew I was taking out my frustration on her. She cried, and I felt horrible afterward. The next day after our nighttime prayer, I apologized to her and explained how mommy was tired and stressed, but I didn’t yell at her for anything she had done wrong. I told her it wasn’t her fault that I was stressed and tired, but I just wanted her to know that I was sorry. She told me, “it’s okay mommy,” and then hugged me.

Psychology Today has an article about how and when to apologize to our child/children. They suggest apologizing easily and often. Just like everything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Make sure to acknowledge anything that they think is a big deal, although you might not think it is. We have to remember that our children have emotions, too, and have to learn to deal with them. Not acknowledging what they believe is a big deal will make them feel that their feelings are unimportant to us.

The article suggests that when apologizing, explain what happened, but don’t make excuses for your behavior. Like in my example, I told my daughter why I was stressed and tired and made sure she knew it wasn’t her fault.

Remember that apologizing shows accountability for your actions, and it takes courage to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness. Our children learn by example; they follow more what we do than what we say—what better example than our own actions. Yes, we will make mistakes along the way, but we can always try to make it better.

Let’s build a better future together by raising a better generation.

With Love, Heidy

Have you ever had to apologize to your child? Or is this something you’ve never thought about before?

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