Category: Motherhood

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Motherhood

Mom Guilt Is a Lie

Picture of a family, two kids, mom and dad, and a text describing what mom guilt is.

Moms, do you experience this, you’re getting your hair done, or your nails done, or you’re working on your business and some variation of these thoughts start coming to mind:

Do I spend enough time with my child/children? Do my kids think I’m a bad Mom? Should I be out without my kids? I shouldn’t have gone out with my friends. Are they missing me right now? Should I be feeding them this? Am I too strict? Am I not strict enough? Am I allowing too much screen time?

So if you are a good mom, you have experienced, at some point, some version of “Mom Guilt.”

What is Mom Guilt

There is no real medical or clinical definition for it. But it usually occurs when the feeling of guilt, anxiousness, doubt, or even the uncertainty that you are failing or falling short as a mother or the other version that you are a selfish mother for doing something for yourself.

This feeling of guilt can happen at any time, and it comes from unrealistic expectations from society, social media, family, and friends on what a mom should do, how a mom should act, or even what a mom should look like.

Mom guilt varies for different moms; if you’re a working mom, a new mom, or even a single mom, you can experience different variations of mom guilt, and it affects each one of us differently.

I mean think about it, how many times have you wanted to go get your hair done and decided not to because you feel your child might need you or that you can use that money for something your child needs. Maybe you want to simply get your nails done and have put that off too, or merely want 5 minutes alone, and if you do get five minutes, you don’t even know what to do because your life revolves around your kids.

Mom guilt is a lie but here are some truths to help you combat the feeling of guilt.

Motherhood Is Hard

Being a mother is the hardest most rewarding job there is because once you become a mom, there is no “off” button. Not when you’re sick, not when you’re working, not when you’re on vacation. And not even after they move out of the house.

You are always constantly thinking of their well-being and want to be there for them when they are in need. But there is no “guide” in how to parent or how to be a mom; there are only suggestions.

And each child is different, so you cannot even parent the same for each one. 

Social Media Is the Worst

When it comes to mom guilt, social media is the devil. The comparison starts. You see, other moms being so creative with their children or always doing different activities with their kids, and you begin to think, I wish I were that creative, or I wish I could do that with my children. 

You don’t post those picture-perfect family moments or pictures that you always see online, and this really takes a toll on you as a mother but STOP IT! Stop comparing yourself with other mothers because, honestly, we are all struggling, just no one posts that on social media.

I’ve come to accept the type of mom I am, so when I see pictures online of different types of moms, I just think to myself, Good for them, I’m just not that mom. And that doesn’t make me a “bad mom” – I’m a different mom because my personality is different and my kids are different.

Moms Are Too Hard on Ourselves

You are an individual, and your kids should know who you are outside of “Mom.” You should be more than just a mom, and your life should be more than just your kids. Don’t lose yourself in being a mom, remember who you were before you were a mother.

Remember, just because someone parents differently than you doesn’t mean they are doing it the wrong way, maybe it’s something that works for them. Every child is different, so their needs are different, and the approach for each one should be different. Not everything works for every child.

You might like: 3 Ways to Not Lose Your Identity in Motherhood

Healthy Mom Healthy Family

Taking time for yourself is OKAY! As a matter of fact, it’s a requirement to be a good mom! You need time for yourself, you need to be able to relax and clear your mind for your sanity. If you’re in the state of frustration all the time, you’re going to take it out on your kids. Take some time to be alone; your family will thank you later.

Find a hobby. Do something you love. Take a break from social media. Catch up with a friend. Write. Read. Sing. Dance. Whatever it is that will make you be you again.

And lastly,

You are ROCKING it! You’re doing a fantastic job, and no one but YOU can be the best mom to your kids; that is why God chose YOU as their mother!

With Love, Heidy

Are you interested in a little bit of a personal development newsletter? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”

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Motherhood

One Thing I’m Not Stressing Over This Back to School Season

Three notebooks, pencils, Crayola colored pencils, and Crayola crayons on a desk. These are back to school supplies.
Picture by author

It’s back to school season again! Summer literally flew by; it feels like it was yesterday that my daughter was turning in her last assignments to officially start summer break. And now it’s that time to get back into the school routine, sports activities, dancing, or whatever your family does.

It’s also time to buy clothes and shoes, and if you’re anything like me you’re always looking for a deal, especially with prices these days.

This time can also be stressful, especially when the school sends the school supplies list. However, this year I refused to stress myself with purchasing everything on that list, I did something different instead.

Here’s What I Did

My daughter is going into fourth grade and every year prior I would buy everything on the school supply list and I’ve noticed that every year she doesn’t use most of the supplies. I have folders that I bought two years ago that were never used. So, this year, I refused to buy everything on the list and I only bought what I think are essentials.

The Essentials

  • Notebooks (3)
  • Pencils (pack of 15)
  • Colored Pencils
  • Crayons
  • Lunchbox

My daughter still has erasers, scissors, and glue sticks that work from last school year, so why would I spend more money buying new ones? Another thing I didn’t buy was a new backpack. She’s still using the same backpack from two years ago because it works and looks perfectly fine.  

I told my daughter if there are supplies from the list that she needs to let me know and we will buy them throughout the year or when she needs them. But I don’t see the point in stressing myself out trying to buy everything on the list when she doesn’t use everything anyway.  

Also, my stepmom’s dad works as a head custodian at an elementary school, and at the end of the school year, he always brings home a bunch of school supplies that were either never used or gently used. It made me think of the parents who struggle to get their kids supplies every year – that it could be saved for them.  

So, if you haven’t bought your kid’s school supplies yet, don’t stress, buy the essentials and anything else they may need can be bought later.

Wrapping Up

Lastely, let’s talk to our kids about being kind to other kids. They don’t need to make fun of kids who don’t have new shoes or brand-name shoes. They don’t need to make fun of kids who don’t have new clothes or are wearing the same clothes from the previous school year. We don’t know everyone’s home situation and times are hard for everyone.  

I would love to end this with a prayer for this new school year.

God, we give you thanks for another school year. I pray that this year is full of learning, creativity, friendship, and compassion. I pray for the educators who teach and guide our kids into the future that you give them strength and encouragement going into this new year. Teaching isn’t an easy profession, but those who do it do it because they love it, are passionate, and love to teach the future generation. I pray for the safety of all the students and educators in all the schools around the country. Lord, protect them, cover them, and guide them. May this school year be the best yet! In your name, we pray, Amen!

With Love, Heidy

Are you interested in a little bit of a personal development newsletter? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”

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Motherhood

3 Things I Worried About Before Becoming a Mom of Two

I was a mother of one for eight years, and I thought I knew everything I needed to know about babies, but really you are learning as you go. When the time was getting closer for my son to be born, I was getting anxious and nervous about certain things. I figured this was normal as I had never been a mom of two before. So, for my YouTube channel, I made a video addressing three things I worried about before becoming a mom of two. You can watch that video here. But I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, and she expressed that she also had worries before becoming a mom of two, and I thought, why don’t I write a blog post in addition to my video? So, here it is.

Photo by William Fortunato on Pexels.com

Dividing My Attention

The first thing that worried me was being able to divide my attention between two kids. I was so used to only having my daughter and setting time for us to have mommy-daughter time, but how would I do that now that a new baby was coming and would require so much of my time?

This worried me because I didn’t know how I would juggle the two, but what I did was I talked with my daughter. I told her that her baby brother would require so much time and attention because he couldn’t do anything alone. And I said to her that as a big sister, she would be able to help mommy out with the baby. She actually loved that. I set a time for us to hang out and make sure we have our own time together.

My Daughter Feeling Jealous or Left-Out

The second thing that worried me was my daughter feeling jealous or left out. Speaking to my daughter about how much time and attention her new brother would require also set up expectations of how things would be moving forward. This changed all our lives, so I wanted to ensure my daughter was prepared.

Before my son was born, I made sure that my daughter was doing a lot of things on her own; she’s very independent. She has her alarm in the morning, gets ready, picks out her clothes, eats breakfast, and makes lunch. But I still want her to know that I’m there for when she needs me and that I still loved her the same even though her brother was coming.

Would I Love Them Equally

The third thing I was worried about was how I would love them equally. Again, since I had not had another child, I couldn’t comprehend how I would love another child as much as I love my daughter. Now that my son is here, I can say that there is no loving them; equally, there is no loving one more than the other; it’s more that you love them differently. My son is different than my daughter, so my love for him is different, but it’s both just as intense, if that makes any sense.

My son is about to be a year old, and I’m so glad that these worries are beyond me, but they were very real before he was here just because of the unknown. But I’d love to hear from mommies of multiple kids; how did you feel before your second was born? What were your worries and concern?

With Love, Heidy

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3 Ways to Not Lose Your Identity in Motherhood

I recently went to a Latina small business owners networking event, and one of the other attendees was talking about motherhood, and she said something that really intrigued me. She said (this is me paraphrasing), “when a new baby is born, a mother is born, which is a new version of yourself. You don’t know how to be a mother, you have to learn as you go, but you were also a person before you were a mother; you still have an identity.” It reminded me of this blog post I had on my list to write, three ways not to lose your identity in motherhood.

It seems like once you become a mom, that’s all society wants you to be, a mother. But we are much more than just a mom. Yes, it’s a demanding, tiring, most rewarding job, but it’s not the only thing we are. Think back to who you were before you became a mom. What did you like? What did you do? What brought you a sense of self? Do you still do those things? Why or why not?

Yes, there are certain things you probably won’t continue to do once you become a mom. For example, if you were an everyday party animal before, that cannot continue. But that’s not what I’m talking about; I’m talking about what was your identity before you got the title “mom?” So, today I want to bring three ways not to lose your identity in motherhood.

Hobbies

What are your hobbies? What do you like to do outside of spending time with your children? Do you like to read? Do you like to write? Do you like to go for walks? Do you like to swim? Write down a list of things you like to do and schedule a time to do them.

I love reading and writing, hence why I’m writing this blog post, but I have to make time to do this with being a mom of two. Currently, my husband is with my son, and my daughter is next door playing with her friend, so I am able to write this blog post. When it comes to the reading part, I include my kids sometimes. I’ll read to them what I’m currently reading if it’s age-appropriate, of course, or sometimes it’s poetry that I read to them, but it’s something I enjoy.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Self-Care / Take a break

Being a mom is exhausting! And if we do not take a break, we will burn out, which can cause harm to ourselves. TAKE.A.BREAK! Make a list of things you like to do to feel relaxed or take care of yourselves. For example, massages, getting your nails done, taking a nap, going to the beach, or meditation. Whatever it is for you, make sure to schedule it throughout the week.

What self-care looks like for me is reading the bible, journaling, getting my nails done, and getting a massage every once in a while. Yes, I have mom guilt at times, thinking that getting my nails done is taking too long, or maybe I should be doing something with the kids. But then I remember, how can I take care of my family if I’m not taking care of myself? I cannot pour from an empty cup. I’m always putting my family first; sometimes, putting myself first is okay. And you should too.

Maintain Friendships

I wrote an article for Medium about why adult friendships are so hard, and as mothers, we know that once you have kids, certain friendships fade. However, true friendships will last because those friends understand that you no longer have the same freedom you once had.

Although adult friendships are hard, I still believe it’s important to maintain friendships and not lose our identities in motherhood. Why? Because we need adult conversations from time to time. We need connections with other adults and a good laugh every once in a while.

When was the last time you had a lunch date with a friend? If you cannot remember, text a girlfriend and set up a time to meet. If you cannot do a lunch date, maybe a dinner date, or even invite them over to your house for a little bit for some coffee or tea. Whatever it is, make an effort to meet up with at least one friend because you deserve it.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

*Bonus* Don’t Neglect Your Marriage

Many people say kids come first, but I don’t believe that is true when you are married. Before you go clutching your pearls, hear me out. Yes, my children are a high priority to me, and my husband and I take excellent care of our kids, but my marriage comes first, and here’s why.

Once my kids leave the house, my husband is who will stay with me, and if during all these years, I’ve lost my identity and I wasn’t putting my marriage first, I’m not going to know who I am anymore, and I’m not going to have a marriage because I haven’t been putting effort towards the marriage, I’ve just been kids, kids, kids. Do you see what I’m saying? Yes, you aren’t just a wife, but your partner should help you to not lose your identity, and if you have, they should help you get it back. Don’t neglect your marriage.

Alright, all you wonderful mommies – you have some homework to do! Make sure to make a list of your hobbies and do them, make a list of things that you find relaxing and do them, schedule a friendship date, and work on your marriage.

With Love, Heidy

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Motherhood Spiritual

God Answers Prayers But It’s Not Always The Answer You Want

As most of you know, I have a 6-month-old baby boy, who I’ve been able to breastfeed thus far. To me, this is a great accomplishment because I could only breastfeed my daughter until she was four months old. Well, my son doesn’t sleep through the night yet. He wakes up for one nightly feeding, and instead of feeding him a bottle and then having to pump, I just latch him.

I looked for different “sleep training techniques,” and none have worked. I had a friend send me a nine-page sleep training schedule that her neighbor provided, and we did it for a week, but it didn’t work. (Mind you, every article I had read stated that sleep training usually lasts three to four days.) We tried introducing him to formula since it’s been said that formula holds them over for longer than breastmilk, didn’t work. We tried putting cereal in the breastmilk at night, didn’t work. The cry-it-out method? Who got some sleep with that? Not me nor my husband.

Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

So, I started praying hard, with tears in my eyes. “Lord, please, please, please let this child sleep through the night.”  I was beyond frustrated to the point that when he woke up, I started crying because I was so tired and over waking up a night. “Why, isn’t he sleeping!?” “Lord, please, how can I get him to sleep through the night?” Daily, I cried out to the Lord, begging him for an answer. Until He provided the answer, and it wasn’t the one I wanted.

I was texting with my cousin, her daughter is about to turn two years old, and I asked her when her daughter started sleeping through the night. She told me; that it wasn’t until she stopped breastfeeding. She breastfed her daughter for a year, and for that whole year, she woke up once at night to comfort feed, is what she told me. Because she knew her daughter couldn’t be hungry, she was old enough to sustain not eating through the night. And I knew right there my prayers had been answered. But it wasn’t the answer I was looking for. My son will not sleep through the night until I stop breastfeeding (hopefully, because I’ve heard stories of kids who don’t sleep through the night for years).

Photo by THu00c1I NHu00c0N on Pexels.com

Right there, I realized I had to make a mental switch; instead of being frustrated that I wasn’t getting the sleep, I needed to understand that this is a comfort thing. I also now thank God that I can still produce breastmilk because the formula storage is very stressful for parents. Every time I pump, I thank God, “thank you, Lord, that I am still producing and am able to continue to feed my child.”

Yes, I’m still tired because he’s not sleeping through the night, but I’m no longer frustrated like I was. And I am more grateful for the time I’ve been able to breastfeed. You see, since my daughter was switched to formula feeding sooner, she slept through the night sooner, so this was new to me. It’s incredible what switching your mind to focus on the positive can do for you.

Also, God answers prayers, but it may not always be the answer we are looking for, but we still need to trust him.

With Love, Heidy

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A Letter to Postpartum Mommies

Photo by SHAHBAZ AKRAM on Pexels.com

Dear New Mommy,

Whether this is your first, second, or fourth child, you’re a new mommy all over again. Each child is different; each experience is different, so each postpartum season is different.

The love you feel is so strong; nothing like you’ve ever felt better. But there is also fear. Fear of not knowing what to do. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of doing something wrong. And then there is the feeling of being overwhelmed. Someone so small needs you every two hours, demanding so much of you, and you want time for yourself. To recover, to heal, to pee.

Your body has changed so much. Give yourself grace and time to heal. It’s not easy seeing this new body — this unfamiliar territory. But think about it — your body created a whole human for ten months. It took energy and nutrition away from your body to create this new human. It made you sick, uncomfortable, and fatigued. And then your body went through this traumatic experience of bringing this baby into the world. Now, it’s time to heal.

Your body needs to heal physically, and you need to heal emotionally. Your emotions are everywhere. You will cry, and you may know why you’re crying, and you may not. You may cry over the silliest thing or something small, but just cry it out. You may feel angry, frustrated, sad, and not know why you’re feeling all of this, but this is normal. Let your doctor know if your sadness becomes more than sadness. You will feel tired. Oh, so very tired. It’s a new level of exhaustion you didn’t know existed. But sleep will come eventually.

You may lose yourself a little bit in the consumption of being a mother, but remember you are more. Don’t forget who you are and what you like. Make sure to make time for yourself. You give and have given so much of yourself, don’t put yourself on the back burner. Take care of yourself because your baby deserves a healthy, happy mommy.

This time in your life is joyous, scary, wonderful, tiresome, loving, and busy all at the same time. But now that you’re here, you cannot see your life any other way because the love you have for your baby is more than anything else in this world.

You are doing great, don’t listen to that voice that says you’re not.

With Love, Heidy

Post Originally Published On Medium.

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Three Ways I’m Breaking Generational Cycles

Growing up, there were certain things that my dad did that I didn’t understand. And many times, I found myself thinking, “I wouldn’t do that if I become a mom.” Now, there are other things that I understand better because I’m a mom. Although I never thought I would be a parent because I didn’t want kids when I was younger, now that I am, I quickly noticed that my parenting style is different from my dad and stepmom in certain aspects. Our parents did the best they could with their knowledge, but we can definitely learn from them. However, here are three ways I’m intentionally breaking generational cycles.

Telling My Daughter Positive Words/Affirmations

I wrote a blog post about the importance of saying encouraging words to your children. And because of my experience growing up, I want to make sure I’m speaking life to my daughter. Side note: I’ll be talking about my daughter because my son is only three months, but I’ll be doing the same for him. I want to make sure she is confident, believes in herself, and loves herself. The best way to do this is to tell her that I love her, that I believe in her, and that she is beautiful. I want her to know that she can do anything she puts her mind to; I want her to feel worthy and intelligent. These are things I didn’t feel myself when I was growing up. I struggled silently and internally with these feelings.

Photo by Vie Studio on Pexels.com

Better Communication Between Us

This is a big one for me because I felt like I couldn’t talk to my dad about anything because I felt like he didn’t understand me. I always had to go to my stepmom first if I wanted anything. My dad is an old-school Dominican father; I love him to death, and I know he loves me, but I wish our communication was better growing up. Anyways, I’m trying to build a safe space with my daughter. I want her to come to me first when anything happens. To establish this trust, I try my best not to overreact when something happens.

For example, my family was over one day, and my sister was coming to tell me that a boy had asked my daughter to be his girlfriend, but my daughter ended up coming to me first. So, the next day I asked her why she didn’t tell me this when it happened instead of me having to hear it from my sister, and she told me she thought I would be mad. I asked her if she said yes, and she said, “ew, no.” LOL, she’s in second grade, so boys are still gross, haha. But I asked her if she liked him, but she said no, so I asked her if there was another boy she liked and she said no. I explained to her that it’s normal for boys to like her and for her to like boys and that it’s okay; I won’t be mad because it’s natural. I wouldn’t dare tell my dad I had a crush at her age. He would have gotten mad at me. And my first crush was in second grade, and the boy was in third grade.

Validating Her Feelings

Children have emotions as adults do, and we tend to forget that. There are days when adults don’t feel like doing anything, and there are days when we aren’t having a good day; this happens to children too. They are little people with feelings, and I think it’s important to validate their feelings. I remember when my daughter was acting out, or she wasn’t acting like her usual self. So, I sat her down and asked her what was wrong, but she couldn’t explain it to me. I told her to let me know if there are days when she doesn’t feel like herself, or her energy is low. I want her to understand that this will happen sometimes, and it’s okay. And I do the same with her; when I’m not feeling good, I tell her. “Hey, mommy has a headache today, I’m not feeling well,” or “Mommy is tired today; I couldn’t sleep well last night,” and she knows I won’t be my best on that particular day.

I feel that communicating our feelings with our children lets them know that we aren’t going to be our best every day, and that’s okay, instead of having these unrealistic expectations for them. Children are in school all day every day, and sometimes they don’t have a good day, just like adults at work, so validating her feelings lets her know that her feelings matter and that I care about them.

There are more ways I’m trying to break generational cycles, but these are the three I wanted to talk about. Is there a way you are intentionally breaking generational cycles? I’d love to hear about it.

With Love, Heidy

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Peace for Today’s Mothers (Guest Post)

Hello friends! Today I’m bringing you a guest post. It’s a devotional written by Detria Moore J.D., and it is powerful! When she sent this devotional to me, I didn’t know how much I needed to read this! Motherhood is challenging, rewarding, yet hard, and this is a beautiful reminder that there is a reason why we were called to this.

I pray that this devotional fills you the way it filled me and touches all the mothers who need encouragement right now. Amen.

Enjoy!

Peace for Today’s Mothers

What’s a mom to do in 2022? Somedays, managing a household resembles running a corporation. I sometimes feel like I need project management experience to hold it together and keep it running smoothly. I need spreadsheets to figure out the logistics of getting everyone to and from all their activities and an assistance to take my calls. As a mother, you often make decisions that impact your entire family. Do you homeschool or send them to school outside the home? Do you work outside the home or work full-time as a stay-at-home mom? What is the magic number of extracurricular activities to have per child? How many play dates are optimal? When do you step in and intervene in the roller coaster ride of your teenager’s life, and when do you let them figure it out? And the never-ending question…what ARE you cooking for dinner tonight?

For a season, I thought I could have it all. I thought I could be the most devoted hands-on mom, work outside the home to help support my family, volunteer at all the things in the community, be a Sunday school teacher, workout at the gym four times a week, keep my kids in fun-filled activities, have the most dedicated, intentional family time, cook nothing but health-conscious food, read the Bible in a year, and still go on Girlfriend Getaways every year. Can I just say this led to utter disappointment? But I mused, “Aren’t I the modern-day Proverbs 31 woman? Doesn’t Philippians 4:13 say I can do all things through Him who strengthens me?”  So, I prayed to God for more strength. But that was not the answer.

What I needed was peace. His peace.

The kind that surpasses all understanding, I needed peace that what He’s called me to do was enough and that I would be okay without everything else. 

Who said that we had to have it all? And what does that even look like? The truth is we make choices. And choosing one thing, whatever that thing is, by default means we’re NOT doing something else. This can lead us to question our decisions. When I homeschooled my children, I thought I was missing out and utilizing my full potential. When I worked outside the home, I thought I was sacrificing family time. I wasn’t at peace. At some point, we all question whether we’re doing the right things for our families and for ourselves. We may even question if we’re being a good mother.   But as you balance motherhood and all that comes along with it, I pray the following for you: 

  1. I pray that you are at peace. Be at peace for whatever He’s calling you to do in this season. Your job as a mother to your children won’t look like anyone else’s. What God has called you to is unique to you and His purpose for you and your family. Look at these prominent women in the Bible. They each had a unique calling. Deborah was a judge; she was not a queen like Esther. Anna was a prophet; she was not a teacher like Priscilla. My prayer is that in motherhood, you will find YOUR calling, whatever that uniquely looks like for you. Don’t look to the left or right at how it looks for others. The God who holds the world together has placed unique gifts, talents, and desires inside of you. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE!
  2. I pray that you experience joy in mothering. Sometimes mothering can be difficult. Two mothers, sleepy yet awake at 1 am—one nursing her newborn, the other waiting for a teenager who’s missed curfew. Nether seem joyous at the moment. But when you realize God has specifically entrusted YOU with raising and imparting to your children, I pray you’ll find the joy of the Lord to be your strength. Don’t let motherhood so burden you that you miss the joy of raising your precious children.    
  3. I pray that you constantly cover your family in prayer. As mothers, we help set the tone of our homes. Life and death are in our tongues. Speak and pray over your family. And don’t forget YOU! Pray for yourself, your time, your emotions. Pray that God will manifest each and every gift He’s placed in you. Pray constantly that your family will walk in Godliness. Speak life into them. 

Motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart. But if God has called you, He’ll most certainly equip you. Walk in peace today, knowing that God is with you and has never forsaken you. 

Wasn’t this devotional so fulfilling? I absolutely loved having Detria as a guest blogger and I hope to collaborate again in the future. Thank you again Detria for this amazing devotional.

You can connect with Detria at:

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Detria’s Bio:

Detria Moore is a believer, wife to one, mother of two, college professor, intercessor, community servant, writer, speaker, and volunteer of all things.  Above all else, she is enamored with her Savior.   Her main goal is to serve the Lord, walk in a manner worthy of her calling, and bring glory to her Savior.  If, along the way, she can pray with and encourage other women to grow in their own faith, or keep them encouraged to walk with Christ, then mission accomplished! Detria writes and podcasts at detriamoore.com and she enjoys reading and teaching the Bible, praying for others, walking the Lynchburg trails. 

And if you are interested in guest writing for my blog please contact me! I would LOVE to work with you.

With Love, Heidy

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The Importance of Saying Encouraging Words to Your Children

Children are like sponges; they absorb their environment. If their environment is negative, they will be negative and vice versa. Children mimic what they see and especially what they hear. I read online, I cannot remember where right this moment, for parents to listen to their children when they play pretend, so parents can know how their children feel. Because children absorb so much, it is important to tell them encouraging words.

By telling your kids encouraging words, you will build up their confidence, and by building up their confidence, you will raise confident adults. You know the saying, “if you think you can, you’re right, and if you think you can’t, you’re also right?” The same applies to kids. As a parent, if you are telling your children that they cannot do something or consistently telling them negative words, they will never have the confidence to do anything and not think of themselves as worthy. And the consequence of the negative words is that it affects their self-esteem.

For example, I didn’t grow up hearing too many encouraging words. I heard that I could never do anything right, or I wasn’t using my head to think. As a result of hearing that, I got to the point that I didn’t think I was worthy. It was like, what’s the point of me trying to do anything if I can never do anything right? So, my self-esteem was nowhere to be found, and I needed validation from others consistently. I also copied and wanted to be like my peers to try and find worth in myself.

These emotions usually lead to people putting themselves into dangerous situations trying to fit in. Luckily for me, that wasn’t my case. I mean, I wasn’t the most innocent teenager, but I didn’t put myself in harm’s way. But because of the negative words I heard all the time growing up, I do the opposite with my daughter.

I try to always tell my daughter positive words. For example, I tell her she’s beautiful, smart, and can do anything. And I remind her that I love her. As a result, she will randomly tell me I’m beautiful and that she loves me. Why? Because she’s mimicking what I say to her. I want to build her confidence because it starts at home. I want to make sure she is confident in herself to do anything she sets her mind to. I also want her to be sure of herself so she doesn’t have to find validation in others.

We should say things like this to our children:

“You are smart”

“You can do anything”

“You are beautiful”

“I love you”

“You are strong”

“Be kind”

“It’s okay to make mistakes”

“If you couldn’t do it this time, try again”

“Don’t give up”

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:14 NIV, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” This is a great verse to share with your kids as it serves as a reminder that God made them perfectly.

What are some other positive affirmations you can share with your kids?

With Love,

Heidy

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Apologizing to Our Children

Apologizing to anyone is hard. No one likes to do it because no one likes to admit when they are wrong, but we have to do it, we have to take accountabilities for our actions. I remember my stepmom telling me once, “If you don’t like apologizing, stop doing things you’ll have to apologize for.”

We get taught at an early age to apologize, and we teach our children early to apologize too, but do you remember your parents apologizing to you? Yours probably did, but I don’t remember mine doing it. Imagine how different your relationship might have been if they had owned up to their mistakes, took accountability, and apologized for their behavior. Wow! That’s deep.

This is why we have to normalize apologizing to our children. I’ve done it before and will continue to do it because I’m human, and I know I’m not going to get this parenting thing right, but I’m trying my best.

I remember being exhausted, work was stressful, I had homework, and my daughter was in a season of not listening. I had to repeat simple requests multiple times, and this particular day my energy was low, and I was very irritated. I had asked her to take a bath and get ready for bed, she did not listen the first time, and I just snapped. I yelled at her in a way I’m not proud of, but I knew I was taking out my frustration on her. She cried, and I felt horrible afterward. The next day after our nighttime prayer, I apologized to her and explained how mommy was tired and stressed, but I didn’t yell at her for anything she had done wrong. I told her it wasn’t her fault that I was stressed and tired, but I just wanted her to know that I was sorry. She told me, “it’s okay mommy,” and then hugged me.

Psychology Today has an article about how and when to apologize to our child/children.  They suggest apologizing easily and often. Just like everything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Make sure to acknowledge anything that they think is a big deal, although you might not think it is. We have to remember that our children have emotions, too, and have to learn to deal with them. Not acknowledging what they believe is a big deal will make them feel that their feelings are unimportant to us.

The article suggests that when apologizing, explain what happened, but don’t make excuses for your behavior. Like in my example, I told my daughter why I was stressed and tired and made sure she knew it wasn’t her fault.

Remember that apologizing shows accountability for your actions, and it takes courage to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness. Our children learn by example; they follow more what we do than what we say—what better example than our own actions. Yes, we will make mistakes along the way, but we can always try to make it better.

Let’s build a better future together by raising a better generation.

With Love, Heidy

Have you ever had to apologize to your child? Or is this something you’ve never thought about before?

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