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Motherhood

Mom Guilt Is a Lie

Mom guilt is a lie, and if you’re a good mom, you’ve expected it but here are some truths to help you combat the feeling of guilt.

#MomGuilt #Motherhood #Parenting

Picture of a family, two kids, mom and dad, and a text describing what mom guilt is.

Moms, do you experience this, you’re getting your hair done, or your nails done, or you’re working on your business and some variation of these thoughts start coming to mind:

Do I spend enough time with my child/children? Do my kids think I’m a bad Mom? Should I be out without my kids? I shouldn’t have gone out with my friends. Are they missing me right now? Should I be feeding them this? Am I too strict? Am I not strict enough? Am I allowing too much screen time?

So if you are a good mom, you have experienced, at some point, some version of “Mom Guilt.”

What is Mom Guilt

There is no real medical or clinical definition for it. But it usually occurs when the feeling of guilt, anxiousness, doubt, or even the uncertainty that you are failing or falling short as a mother or the other version that you are a selfish mother for doing something for yourself.

This feeling of guilt can happen at any time, and it comes from unrealistic expectations from society, social media, family, and friends on what a mom should do, how a mom should act, or even what a mom should look like.

Mom guilt varies for different moms; if you’re a working mom, a new mom, or even a single mom, you can experience different variations of mom guilt, and it affects each one of us differently.

I mean think about it, how many times have you wanted to go get your hair done and decided not to because you feel your child might need you or that you can use that money for something your child needs. Maybe you want to simply get your nails done and have put that off too, or merely want 5 minutes alone, and if you do get five minutes, you don’t even know what to do because your life revolves around your kids.

Mom guilt is a lie but here are some truths to help you combat the feeling of guilt.

Motherhood Is Hard

Being a mother is the hardest most rewarding job there is because once you become a mom, there is no “off” button. Not when you’re sick, not when you’re working, not when you’re on vacation. And not even after they move out of the house.

You are always constantly thinking of their well-being and want to be there for them when they are in need. But there is no “guide” in how to parent or how to be a mom; there are only suggestions.

And each child is different, so you cannot even parent the same for each one. 

Social Media Is the Worst

When it comes to mom guilt, social media is the devil. The comparison starts. You see, other moms being so creative with their children or always doing different activities with their kids, and you begin to think, I wish I were that creative, or I wish I could do that with my children. 

You don’t post those picture-perfect family moments or pictures that you always see online, and this really takes a toll on you as a mother but STOP IT! Stop comparing yourself with other mothers because, honestly, we are all struggling, just no one posts that on social media.

I’ve come to accept the type of mom I am, so when I see pictures online of different types of moms, I just think to myself, Good for them, I’m just not that mom. And that doesn’t make me a “bad mom” – I’m a different mom because my personality is different and my kids are different.

Moms Are Too Hard on Ourselves

You are an individual, and your kids should know who you are outside of “Mom.” You should be more than just a mom, and your life should be more than just your kids. Don’t lose yourself in being a mom, remember who you were before you were a mother.

Remember, just because someone parents differently than you doesn’t mean they are doing it the wrong way, maybe it’s something that works for them. Every child is different, so their needs are different, and the approach for each one should be different. Not everything works for every child.

You might like: 3 Ways to Not Lose Your Identity in Motherhood

Healthy Mom Healthy Family

Taking time for yourself is OKAY! As a matter of fact, it’s a requirement to be a good mom! You need time for yourself, you need to be able to relax and clear your mind for your sanity. If you’re in the state of frustration all the time, you’re going to take it out on your kids. Take some time to be alone; your family will thank you later.

Find a hobby. Do something you love. Take a break from social media. Catch up with a friend. Write. Read. Sing. Dance. Whatever it is that will make you be you again.

And lastly,

You are ROCKING it! You’re doing a fantastic job, and no one but YOU can be the best mom to your kids; that is why God chose YOU as their mother!

With Love, Heidy

Are you interested in a little bit of a personal development newsletter? With a little bit of poetry? A little of opinion pieces? And some faith-based encouragement? Sign up for my Substack newsletter, “Into My Thoughts.”

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By Heidy De La Cruz

Daughter of God, Wife, Writer, Poet, Mother, and lover of life

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