You’ve been in this relationship for years. Good memories, some arguments here and there, I mean what relationship is perfect, right? You feel like you know this person in and out. You know what they will do, what they will say, how they would react to certain things. You know their hobbies, their likes, dislikes, favorite things, you even know little habits that they have. Years invested in this relationship, memories built, even started planning a life together. You cannot see yourself without this person. You cannot picture someone else with them, it would kill you. It feels like this is it, you’ve found who you’re supposed to be with.
But then out of curiosity, you go through their phone. You didn’t mean to, but they left it open, and a message came in. From someone else, saying they missed them. You go through the conversation, and you see messages going back and forth, a conversation like they have with you, I miss you, baby, I miss you too baby, I cannot wait to see you again, but with someone else. Pictures exchanged.
Your heart breaks, you can’t breathe, blood starts rushing to your head, it’s pounding now. You begin shaking, okay, calm down, breathe, breathe. I’m sure there is an explanation for this.
You ask them about it, they get defensive. Why you going through my phone? Why you invading my privacy?
Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that but why are you messaging other people like that? What is this about?
It’s nothing, it doesn’t mean anything. You believe them. That’s the end of that talk.
Few weeks go by, even months go by, and everything is the same, you guys are hanging out, and you ask them for their phone, so you guys can take a picture. Why can’t we do it with your phone? You’ve noticed how defensive they get again and you’ve noticed how now they never leave their phone right-side-up, it’s always facing down. You start to grow suspicious.
Now every time they have their phone in their hands you’re looking from the corner of your eye what they are doing, who are they messaging, what pictures are they looking at? Making yourself go crazy over what they are doing.
You go through their social media to see what comments they’ve left under other people’s pictures. You look for what images they’ve liked and who they follow.
You figured out their passcode and found the right moment to go through their phone, through everything, social media, messages, pictures, and it’s all there. Multiple messages and pictures and DMs messaging other people, saying things they would tell you to other people, sexting. People sending photos at all hours of the day and night.
You feel sick to your stomach, you start to cry, they come in, asking you what’s wrong. You are raged. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!? You said it was nothing, it didn’t mean anything. How can you lie to me like this?
Why are you tripping? I’m with you, aren’t I? You’re the one I love, you’re the one I’m with, and the one I want to be with, those messages and pictures don’t mean anything.
They mean something to me, you’re hurting me, it kills me to know that you’re messaging other people.
Okay, I’m sorry, I love you, I’ll stop, I promise.
A few months later, same thing again.
It is so hard to leave someone after being with them for years. It’s like you’re attached to them, and you put up with what they put you through because you feel like you cannot be without them. You feel like all this time invested in the relationship will all go to waste. Especially when you’re young. Younger girls will put up with more because they don’t know any better but let me tell you, you shouldn’t have to put up with disrespect and cheating. Just because messages don’t say that anything was done physically, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it’s still considered cheating, there is still a thing called “emotional cheating,” and sexting is cheating. Anything you have to “hide” from your significant other is cheating.
You deserve better, you deserve to be treated better. You don’t deserve to be lied to and made look like a fool. The person who truly loves you wouldn’t put you through that, wouldn’t make you double guess yourself or double guess your relationship. They will make you feel secure that you are the only one. You shouldn’t have to go through their phones or their social media. You deserve better Queen.
I’ve been in that place, and I know exactly what it feels like. I see this story time and time again of girls going back to guys that disrespect them because they don’t feel like they will find someone else, or they think that he will stop this behavior. No, he won’t. If he TRULY loved you, he wouldn’t have started those actions in the first place because when you love someone, you care about them and their feelings. You wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the relationship. It’s hard to leave the relationship, trust me, I know. It took years, but after you realize your worth, you won’t settle for anything else than you deserve. And hey, you might be blocking your blessing by staying in this unhealthy relationship.
I pray for everyone in a situation similar to this. That you’ll realize your worth and get out. I pray that you find someone who values you, respects you, loves you, and cherish you. That you’ll never again have to question their intentions with you and they make you feel secure. I pray for you to find true love.❤